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IELTS Writing Task 1:Consumer spending (Graph)



sevenseaThreads: 1
Posts: 3
Author: Vu Viet Trung
   
Apr 19, 2013, 10:48am   #1
The table below gives information on consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002.

The table compares the percentages of product consumption among five different countries in Europe in 2002. The statistics are divided into three groups based on item types.
According to the figures, the greatest expense rose in food, drinks and tobacco. For instance, Turks and Irishs had considerable proportions of their disposable incomes spent on these goods, namely 32.14% and 28.91%. By contrast, the amount of money put forward to purchase leisure and educational products was only a tiny fraction of all sorts, ranging between 2-4%. Once again, Turkey hold the highest spending (4.35% of total budget).
In terms of expenditure on clothing and footware, Italians appeared to get more enjoyment buying fashion items than the rest, with 9% of expense incurred in those goods.
To sum up, the table shows that there was some significant discrepancy between spending habits of people in five countries for various lifestyle needs.

(174 words)
Please give me some feedback on this essay :D Thank you very much



homsaiThreads: 11
Posts: 40
Author: Sam Wang
 Likes 5  
Apr 20, 2013, 12:56am   #2
It looks great, I am not at the level to judge your work, but I do think it is a good idea to attach the table you mentioned.


dumiThreads: 1
Posts: 7,241
Author: Duminda
[Moderator] Likes 1401  
Apr 24, 2013, 12:29pm   #3
Hi sevensea
homsai:
It looks great, I am not at the level to judge your work, but I do think it is a good idea to attach the table you mentioned.
............ homsai is right......... you better upload the graph using the feature "Attach file(s) " in order to get more relevant comments.
I think this website provide a good framework for tackle this task'
//www.britishcouncil.org/taiwan-exams-ielts-how-to-prepare-for-ie lts-ielts-tips-writing-issue-3.htm
Hope you find it useful :)


sevenseaThreads: 1
Posts: 3
Author: Vu Viet Trung
   
Apr 24, 2013, 04:48pm   #4
thank homsai and dumi, I've attached the table here :D
Hope that someone could give me a mark for this essay !

  • Here's the table
    Here's the table


ah_zafariThreads: 13
Posts: 808
Author: Ahmad Zafari
[Contributor] Likes 97  
Apr 24, 2013, 08:06pm   #5
Hi, in general you wrote a nice essay. I have some suggestions that will find them below:

The table compares the consumption percentages of three different items product consumption among five different European countries in Europe in 2002. The statistics are divided into three groups based on item types (this sentence was good, but based on what I wrote through last sentence I deleted it. What you wrote was fine. It is just a suggestion). NOTE: At the end of the introduction you should right a general trend for data)
According to the figures, the greatest expense rose in food, drinks and tobacco. For instance (In IELTS writing task one you better to use stronger transitions. In this case you could say "To clarify". "For instance" is also OK, but when you use this phrase it means that you just want to talk about a part of the data and ignore others, while you should compare all the data in this task), Turkish and Irish people had considerable proportions of their disposable incomes spent on these goods, namely 32.14% and 28.91%, respectively. By contrast, the amount of money put forward to purchase leisure and educational products was only a tiny fraction of all sorts, ranging between 2-4%- Once again (this phrase is not that academic, it is better to avoid using it), Turkey hold the highest spending (4.35% of total budget).
In terms of expenditure on clothing and footwear (be careful about spelling), Italians appeared to get more enjoyment buying fashion items than the rest, with 9% of expense incurred in those goods (it would be better to use numbers for comparing data. For example "The table is also indicative of the fact that the consumption of fashion items in Italy (i.e. 9%) was about x% greater than that in other studied countries)" .
To sum up, the table shows that there was some significant discrepancy between spending habits of people in five countries for various lifestyle needs.

Cheers,
Ahmad


shaddyThreads: 17
Posts: 82
 Likes 7  
Apr 24, 2013, 09:32pm   #6
To me, it is a very good analysis. Just some little mistakes, I am correction below. Please have a look at them

sevensea:
According to the figures, the greatest expense rose is in food, drinks and tobacco. For instance

[/quote]


sevenseaThreads: 1
Posts: 3
Author: Vu Viet Trung
   
Apr 24, 2013, 10:49pm   #7
dear Ahmad, thank you so much for your helpful comment !




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