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Writing a descriptive story about Christmas - creative writing



shorty4258Threads: 2
Posts: 10
Author: Tanisha N
   
Aug 29, 2008, 05:22pm   #1
My teacher assigned me to write a descriptive story. I chose my favorite holiday which is Christmas. I have to use all five sentences in the story at least two times. The problem is I can't start my essay. Also I have to say inteligant words like instead of different it could be unique, so i need help on doing that. She also said to make it interseting, to make her feel like she is in there. I elso wanted help on using sensory details. She gave us an example saying instead of saying black and white dog you could say oreo cookie dog. Hope you could give me some feedbacks. Please!
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Posts: 2,657
Author: Gloria, EssayForum.com
   
Aug 29, 2008, 05:36pm   #2
Good afternoon.

OK; to start off with, what about Christmas do you want to describe? Do you have any holiday traditions that you could talk about? What about a favorite Christmas memory? That should get us started.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
shorty4258Threads: 2
Posts: 10
Author: Tanisha N
   
Aug 29, 2008, 05:37pm   #3
I was thinking about explaining the Christmas dinner I have with my friends and family. Please write back.
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Author: Gloria, EssayForum.com
   
Aug 29, 2008, 10:16pm   #4
OK, that's a good start. Go ahead and try a rough draft; brainstorm first. Close your eyes and imagine the table, the people there, the sounds, the smells. Write down quick snippets of information that comes quickly. For example, is the house decorated? What do the table settings look like? Who cooks the meal? Do you usually eat certain things? What do they smell like? What is the lighting in the house like? Is there music in the background? Conversation? Write down everything you think of before you start your draft.
When you write the draft, think about filling in the blanks to connect your brainstorming topics. How are each of these things connected?

Once you have a rough draft you can post it here and I can help edit it.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
shorty4258Threads: 2
Posts: 10
Author: Tanisha N
   
Aug 30, 2008, 02:47pm   #5
Ok here it goes. Please tell what I need improvement on. Or need more details. Stuff like grammer or punctation. Did I use all the five sences at least twice correctly?


Chritmas is a wonderful time of the season. Every year my mom have a Christmas dinner at the evening. The house is always beatiful when the holiday approaches. the Christmas tree is beautiful as the one downtown. It's fresh grassy colors makes everyone stop and stare at its beauty. the lights are all around the wall. Over the windows, on the trees, it makes the house the bright as the stars.
The table of my place is so gorgeous.My table cloth is a creamy vanilla color with a bright christmas tree in the middle, and the swirly gold designs are beautiful. My mom always does the good, delicious foods with my aunts help. There's mashed potatos, saled, gravey, beans, and the most important, roasted brown chicken. For desert it's either apple, pumpkin, cherry pie with whipped cream on top. some times there is cake.By this time the house smells so good.
The guests starts arriving. Theres people talking, ahving a good time. We also play music like "let it snow" or some kind of Christmas song to let the entertainment going. Now everyone is gathered around the table. First thing we do is pray, then my dad carves the tasty looking chicken. After that everybody digs in. Everybody seems to be enjoying everything. Christmas at my place is very cosy, fun place to me.
shorty4258Threads: 2
Posts: 10
Author: Tanisha N
   
Aug 31, 2008, 06:53pm   #6
Please write back soon its due in a couple of days.
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Author: Gloria, EssayForum.com
   
Aug 31, 2008, 10:41pm   #7
Good evening.

Here are my suggestions:

"Chritmas is a wonderful time of the year. Every year my mom has a Christmas dinner in the evening. The house is always beatiful when the holiday approaches. Do you feel any anticipation? Nervousness, excitement?The Christmas tree is beautiful as the one downtown. Its fresh grassy colors makes everyone stop and stare at its beauty. The lights are all around the wall. Over the windows, on the trees, it makes the house as bright as the stars.
The table of my place is so gorgeous. My table cloth is a creamy vanilla color with a bright Christmas tree in the middle, and the swirly gold designs are beautiful. My mom always makes good, delicious foods with my aunt's help. There is mashed potatos, salad, gravy, beans, and the most important, roasted brown chicken. For dessert we have either apple, pumpkin, or cherry pie with whipped cream on top. some times there is cake. By this time the house smells so good. What can you smell?
The guests start arriving. There are people talking and having a good time. We also play music like "Let it Snow" or some kind of Christmas song to get the entertainment going. By then everyone is gathered around the table. First thing we do is pray, then my dad carves the tasty looking chicken. After that everybody digs in. Everybody seems to be enjoying everything. Christmas at my place is a very cozy, fun place to me."

You have a great rough draft. You do a good job with your senses, but is there a way that you can work in some statements such as "I can see..." or "I hear..." to describe the atmosphere a bit more?
shorty4258Threads: 2
Posts: 10
Author: Tanisha N
   
Sep 1, 2008, 09:35am   #8
"Chritmas is a wonderful time of the year. Every year my mom has a Christmas dinner in the evening. The house is always beatiful when the holiday approaches.I feel excited. It makes me feel happy when we are gatherig around and the food that's just the best part. The Christmas tree is beautiful as the one downtown. Its fresh grassy colors makes everyone stop and stare at its beauty. The lights are all around the wall. Over the windows, on the trees, it makes the house as bright as the stars.
The table of my place is so gorgeous. My table cloth is a creamy vanilla color with a bright Christmas tree in the middle, and the swirly gold designs are beautiful. My mom always makes good, delicious foods with my aunt's help. There is mashed potatos, salad, gravy, beans, and the most important, roasted brown chicken. For dessert we have either apple, pumpkin, or cherry pie with whipped cream on top. some times there is cake. By this time the house smells so good. These food smeel so good, but to bad I have to wait till there done with the whole perparation.
The guests start arriving. I can the women are dressed up in their lovely pretty dresses all looking faboulous, the mens are dressed in a tuxcedo they are looking good too. I hear people talking and having a good time. I also play music like "Let it Snow" or some kind of Christmas song to get the entertainment going. By then everyone is gathered around the table. First thing we do is pray, then my dad carves the tasty looking chicken. After that everybody digs in. Everybody seems to be enjoying everything. Christmas at my place is a very cozy, fun place to me."


What do you think about it know?
Any improvement?
EF_Team5Threads: -
Posts: 2,657
Author: Gloria, EssayForum.com
   
Sep 1, 2008, 11:51am   #9
OK, let's see:

"Chritmas is a wonderful time of the year. Every year my mom has a Christmas dinner in the evening. The house is always beatiful when the holiday approaches. I feel excited. It makes me feel happy when we are gathered around, and the food; that is just the best part. The Christmas tree is beautiful as the one downtown. Its fresh grassy colors make everyone stop and stare at its beauty. The lights are reflected all around the walls, over the windows, on the trees; it makes the house as bright as the stars.
The table of my place is so gorgeous. My table cloth is a creamy vanilla color with a bright Christmas tree in the middle, and the swirly gold designs are beautiful. My mom always makes good, delicious foods with my aunt's help. There is mashed potatos, salad, gravy, beans, and the most important, roasted brown chicken. For dessert we have either apple, pumpkin, or cherry pie with whipped cream on top. Some times there is cake. By this time the house smells so good. These foods smell so good, but too bad I have to wait until they are done with the whole preparation.
The guests start arriving. I can see the women are dressed up in their lovely pretty dresses all looking fabulous, the men are dressed in tuxedos and are looking good too. I hear people talking and having a good time. I also play music like "Let it Snow" or some kind of Christmas song to get the entertainment going. By then everyone is gathered around the table. First thing we do is pray, then my dad carves the tasty looking chicken. After that everybody digs in. Everybody seems to be enjoying everything. Christmas at my place is a very cozy, fun place to me."

Great job; I like the new improvements! Keep up the good work!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
shorty4258Threads: 2
Posts: 10
Author: Tanisha N
   
Sep 2, 2008, 07:37pm   #10
thank you so much
EF_Team5Threads: -
Posts: 2,657
Author: Gloria, EssayForum.com
   
Sep 3, 2008, 06:44pm   #11
You are very welcome.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com


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