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"My Wonderful Sister" - please proofread my paragraph



NonitaThreads: 1
Posts: 2
Author: No--No
   
Nov 12, 2010, 02:00pm   #1
Hi everyone,

Could you please proofread my paragraph??



My Wonderful Sister

I think my sister Hannah is amazing. First of all, she is very practical and down-to-earth, so she always gives me good advices and I can trust what she says. Hannah is totally reliable, too. For example, if my mother is out of the house, Hannah knows how to act as if she were my mother. Therefore, she is my mother's right hand. In addition, she is extremely generous. She is always doing things for other people. Another great thing about Hannah is that she is very funny. She knows how to make me laugh. She is the best sister in the whole world



chendorpgThreads: 1
Posts: 11
Author: Rosendo Gaitan
   
Nov 13, 2010, 11:44am   #2

she says
totally very reliable too Anna plays my mother's role describe an example of her generosity. describe how she is funny may be an anecdote. Good luck


NonitaThreads: 1
Posts: 2
Author: No--No
   
Nov 14, 2010, 02:05am   #3
Thank you so much! I appreciate your feedback.I will try to fix it.


EF_KevinThreads: 33
Posts: 14,155
Author: You can help a lot of people by visiting the "Unanswered" threads!
 Likes 4  
Nov 21, 2010, 12:29am   #4
...gives me good advices advice and I can trust...

You write very well, but I think you can go deeper in your mediation. In a moment of meditation, pay attention when you inhale... pay attention to the feeling of cool air hitting the center of your brain... and wait for an excellent, unexpected idea to come to mind.

I think you can come up with a perfect word to capture what you learn from your sister.
Let this little essay express a profound idea.

:-)




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