Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4


IELTS Whether country needs to develop its traditional skills, arts and way of life?


jomse 5 / 13  
Mar 19, 2011   #1
Quest in IELTS: When a country develops its technology traditional skills, arts, crafts and way of life likely to die. There is no point in trying to preserve it. Do you agree or disagree with this view?

Modern culture is a consumeristic one and does not have interest in skills, arts, crafts and way of life. People show keen interest in latest form of technology. Due to urbanisation, weaving pattern, coir industry, ayurvedic medicines, joint family system likely to disappear. Social aspects have changed the traditional skill forms.

Traditional skills the age old method of doing things have been perfected by its useful usage from generation to generation. It links the past and the present in a rather scientific way. By reviving traditional skills we can maintain a balance between the technology and tradition. Arts and crafts are symbols of our aggrarian economy. Al though the modern technology has brought tractors and trillers in order to plough the fields the traditional way of ploughing the field using cattle is the symbol of Federal Bank. A good blend of traditional skill and technology will only do good in the long run. Even though the advancement in medical fields such as preventive medicines, scanning, keyhole surgery and laser treatment have benefited mankind, our traditional ayurvedic medicine has a significant role in modern man's life.

Technology has played its own role to retain tradition and conventional way of life. Kottakal Arya Vaydiya Sala has developed a unique way of modernising the equipments and retaining the old traditional medicines. Our vastushilpa and traditional bamboo ply has marked a impact in this modern world. Ancient manuscripts and archaeological treasures and art have been restored to its former glory with the help of technology. Old forms of music, photographs, books etc have been revived with the help of modern technology.

To sum up, I would like to assert that we should make a right balance between technology and tradition. Mankind will only gain with by reviving the traditional skills. We must have a well balance view to reap the benefits of both, for both have t heir own positive and negative aspects.
Borislav 6 / 20  
Mar 19, 2011   #2
Traditional skills the age old method of doing things have been perfected by its useful usage from generation to generation. It links the past and the present in a rather scientific way.

I can`t get the first sentence. And that "useful usage" sounds really artificial to me. So, like a foreigner, I have no clue what you want to say... which is everything but an asset.

Second - I am not that familiar with IELTS essay structure, so let someone who`s more indulged correct me, but I think you have missed the whole point of the topic. It states really neat what you should do - agree or disagree. I can find your clear thesis in your last paragraph, but it has nothing to do with the subjected task. A good, stable and appropriate thesis statement should sound like that: I am deeply assured that we must not betray our national heritage in its expressions of skills, crafts and folklore.

And, provided with this as a base, you should start developing it and bolstering it with examples.
I can tell that you have good writing style and excellent vocabulary, so don`t shortchange yourself. Give more attention to essay structure.
s033591 7 / 8  
Mar 20, 2011   #3
I think I try my best for some corrections.

Modern culture is a consumeristic one and does not have interest in skills, arts, crafts and way of life. People show keen interest in latest form of technology. ayurvedic medicines and joint family system are likely to disappear.

A good blend of traditional skill and technology will only do good in the long run. Even though the advancement in medical fields such as preventive medicines, scanning, keyhole surgery and laser treatment have benefited mankind, our traditional ayurvedic medicine has a significant role in modern man's life.
OP jomse 5 / 13  
Mar 25, 2011   #4
Hai,

Thank you very much for the corrections made on my essay.

regards

Jomse


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Whether country needs to develop its traditional skills, arts and way of life?
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳