IELTS: What gift would you give to a child develop? 'It is computer'

Question:
A gift (such as a camera, a soccer ball, or an animal) can contribute to a child's development. What gift would you give to help a child develop? Why? Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice.

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Answer:

Many parents in the world always are thinking about future their children. Habitually, they gift prize for them especially for improving children develop. It is computer. I will give reason with this statement.

First of all, computer has many benefits for children. They operate computer for playing many games which can help children for improving develop logically. Obviously, they can have patient, and persistent. For instance, my young brother often plays game. He always undergoes defeating. However, he always tries for winning. He is very persistent of face challenge. This example is clearly that computer can form good personality and it can drill brain becoming better. Therefore, computer is prize most important for growing brain children.

Secondly, The children can get many knowledges because computers help children to learn more about anything by using internet. For example, nowadays, some children in Indonesia have facebook and they have twitter. It is very good for their. They can find new friend from other country and they can share about education. Then, the children can learn about skill in internet through computer such as reading, writing, listening and speaking because many webs in internet prepare English program. When looking at this example, there is no doubt that computer gives many useful for people.

Finally, computer can help children for finding a job because many campanies show advertisement job vacancy. For instance, chemistry's student from the corner country find job in a company in Jakarta, Indonesia. He sends his proposal to there company. With the result, he can get job in there. This example clearly show computer can give information important for getting job. Accordingly, I think that computer is electronic very well for improving quality forward toward a future career.

In summary, I think that children should be able to use operating computer because this knowledge that it will help them for increasing their skill forward the future.

Almost every parent is concerned about the well being of their children.


.... this sentence contains inappropriate vocabulary :( "Habitually" is not a proper term to use for this idea;
Therefore, the parents like to gift their children with presents that help them grow mentally and emotionally.


.... you need to stay aligned with your prompt;
If I am asked to choose a present for my child, it would surely be a computer.

All parents in this world are thinking about their children's future.


make sure that you use the right of word group


I think, this statement is not appropriated to be put in your first body, because you explain the benefit of computer only in this paragprah


Has it answered the case in the introductory?

You really don't have to say this because the reader expects you to do the same in the body paras. There is no value addition coming from this sentence to your essay :(

Secondly, The children can get many knowledgesacquire a great knowledge with the help of computer because computers helpit enables children to learn more about anything by using internetalmost anything they wish by providing access to the Internet. For example, nowadays, some children in Indonesia have facebook and they have twitter. It is very good for their ?????? (what?).