Topic: Some People believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending school from a young age? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from you own knowledge or experience.
What ages are the best for children attending school? Everyone may have their own opinions. Now I am going to discuss the major points: young age is better or not?
Some people think children should not go to school until they are old enough. These people believe six or seven years old is the best age attending school. Children should play with their parents and learn some basic skills prior to going to school. For example, they may learn their native languages so that they can convey themselves exactly. Once they get this level of communication skill, they can study the school courses including math and science better, otherwise the children may felt schooling is difficult to them, and they may not like study at the beginning. This is true in China that children are allowed to go to school only when they are above six years old in some regions.
However, other people believe a young age is better than old. This is case for people in Australia, where allows children attending school starting from five. The Australian parents think studying in school earlier is more important. There are couple of reasons for this. Firstly, the parents are very busy with their work and have little time to educate their children, so they want schools' help in taking care of the education for them. Secondly, they want their children to learn English as earlier as possible. Australia is an immigration country, that means lots of children are not born in Australia and their parents speak non English as their first languages. Their English language levels are not fluent as their native languages. The primary school is the best place to learn the English.
So the advantages are obvious to young aged children. They can learn foreign languages as soon as possible. they can obtain the needed skills such as communication at their earlier ages, which are not possibly given by their parents. Another benefit is they can learn culture of other countries from other children when they are young.
It depends on the countries that you are living in, you will get differing benefits which are good for young aged children.
Please give me a score for my writing exercise in an IELTS(G) writing task2, and what changes do you recommend to get score 6?
What ages are the best for children attending school? Everyone may have their own opinions. Now I am going to discuss the major points: young age is better or not?
Is this a part of your essay? If it is so, I would suggest you to remove these lines...They dont seem to add any value to your essay : (
Some people think children should not go to school until they are old enough. These people believe six or seven years old is the best age attending school.
.... say this in a more simple tone ;
Some people think that children should not start schooling at a very young age. They believe that the age six or seven is the best for children to begin school.Children should play with their parents and learn some basic skills prior to going to school.
This allows children to enjoy their childhood better by engaging in fun loving activities as well as spending more time with their parents and learning basic life skills from them prior to attending school.Your sentences are not connected I suggest you connect them in a one sentence. For example:
Some people think children should not go to school until they are old enough. These people believe six or seven years old is the best age attending school.
It would be better if you link them.
Work on your structure, usually IELTS exam require a simple structure (intro, body and conclusion). Your conclusion shouldn't state new ideas and it would be better if you just paraphrase your intro in conlusion.
hai, you are mainly insting only on education ,you could add other points like better opportunity for socialisation at very young age.
good job just listen to dumi
It would be better if you link them.
What about the linking state after dumi's update? I guess it is linked internally by its meaning, but what other linkers I could use, please let me know, I can not think of other appropriate ones.
I guess your essay already deserves a band 6, just beware of some grammatical mistakes and try to use more advanced vocabulary.
