Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3


Are we free to make our own decision, or are we limited in the choices we make


throllen 5 / 13  
Jun 20, 2011   #1
Hi, it's me again. Just doing my regularly writing practice. I have absorbed the suggestions from people in this forum, and hope I can get more insightful inputs. Thank you!

Please note you will be banned the next time you post useless comments in other students' thread just to be able to open a new thread.

Our mind is not as free as we think it is. We might think we can make our decisions freely, but ironically, our decisions are often the reflection of the opinions from others, the situation we are in, and the social status we have. Therefore, due to the people around us, our situation, and our society, we are limited in the choices we make.

The people around us can limit the choices we have. People that are close to us, such as our parents and friends, often limit the choice we have in our life. For instance, parents can limit our education options by pressuring us to study the subjects they want, and friends can affect our decisions through peer pressuring. Moreover, if we insist on not following their actions, we may be discriminated and isolated by them. Therefore, parents and friends are among the people that will affect our decisions.

Other than people, our situations can also affect our decisions. Imagine a person who is trying to buy a vehicle, and his choice of vehicle is usually reflecting on his financial situation; he might want to buy a brand new vehicle, and he would do so if his financial situation permits, but if not, he would have to settle for a second-handed vehicle, which would be a cheaper alternative. At the end, whether he will choose a new or a used car, this person are making this decision base on the financial situation he is in, and not what his mind is telling him. This is a good example to show that our decisions are affected by our situations.

Moreover, our society plays a role in limiting our choices. Even though we are safe to express our thoughts freely in Canada, people in some countries are forbidden to do so. Those countries are usually controlled by corrupted governments that heavily prohibit the freedom of speech. The Locals who try to express their opinions about the governments' actions will be accused of treasons, and be sentence into prison or to death penalty. As a result, the locals who are well aware of the corruption inside the government system are too afraid to speak up and stand against the governments. With this, the governments will have full control over the choices their people have.

In summary, our decisions are not entirely our own. We must keep in mind that every time we make a decision, there are many factors that affect it, such as the opinions from families and friends, the situations we are at, and the structure of our society.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jun 22, 2011   #2
Hey, this is strong writing. Are you just practicing English? I think you are at a high level of skill, and it is time for fine tuning.

Your homework is to try to remove "that" as many times as possible from the essay. Shorten sentences so that they pack a harder punch. For example:

People that are close to us, such as our parents and friends, often limit ...

We must keep in mind that every time we make a decision, there are many factors that affect it, such as the opinions from families and friends, the situations we are at, and the structure of our society.

:-)
OP throllen 5 / 13  
Jun 22, 2011   #3
yea I am practicing, and I am trying to write as much as I can to improve my word choice and eliminate awkward sentences. It will take them.. sigh


Home / Writing Feedback / Are we free to make our own decision, or are we limited in the choices we make
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳