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We face lot of global problems. Good relations b/w nations is important. Agree or not



varun87Threads: 1
Posts: 2
Author: varun garg
   
Sep 26, 2010, 08:40am   #1
i have just given my ielts exam..it was my second time..in the first i got 6.5 in writing and i require 7..here is what i have written in my recent ielts essay..please check it and tell me if i ll get 7 or not.


handsome relations between countries has always been in demand.Due to enumerous problems which human beings are confronting right now,there has been an upsurge in people who advocate good relations between different countries.Although many people think that every country has to solve its problems on its own,i am of belief that its not possible without the help of other countries.

Today,we face problems like global warming and terrorism which are having a deterring effect on our society.there are various global organisations which are working towards eradicating these issues but it can't be possible without commadory and harmony between different nations.For instance,india and pakistan ,both are victims of terrorism but instead of channeling the resources in the right way,both are playing the blame game.

Furthermore,poverty is prevalant in most of the countries and elimination of poverty is their top agenda.For this,it is pivotal to create good relations between developing and develop nations like usa and uk,that can result in plethora of financial assistance to the poverty hit countries .

Having said that,it must be acknowledged that pride and integrity of the country is of utmost importance and it can't be compromised with,just for the sake of having good ties with other countries.

In the end,it would be appropriate to mention that having good relations with other countries is the need of the hour,to ensure that world is devoid of various deterimental issues and problems which are being faced by humans in the current scenario.



WillieDThreads: 2
Posts: 8
Author: Willie Davis
   
Sep 26, 2010, 09:09am   #2
varun87
Other than the grammatical errors, I like the essay. Especially if English is your second language...

Hhandsome relations between countries haves always been in demand. Due to enumerousinnumerous problems which human beings are confronting right now, there has been an upsurge in people who advocate good relations between different countries. Although many people think that every country has to solve its problems on its own, iI am of the belief that itsit's not possible without the help of other countries.

Today, we face problems like global warming and terrorism which are having a deterring effect on our society. thereThere are various global organisationsorganizations which are working towards eradicating these issues but it can't be possible without commadory and harmony between different nations. For instance, indiaIndia and pakistanPakistan ,both are victims of terrorism but instead of channeling the resources in the right way, both are playing the blame game.

Furthermore, poverty is prevalantprevalent in most of the countries and elimination of poverty is their top agenda. For this, it is pivotal to create good relations between developing and develop nations like usa USA and ukUK, that can result in a plethora of financial assistance to the poverty hit countries .countries.

Having said that, it must be acknowledged that pride and integrity of the country is of utmost importance and it can't be compromised with, just for the sake of having good ties with other countries.

In the end, it would be appropriate to mention that having good relations with other countries is the need of the hour, to ensure that world is devoid of various deterimentaldetrimental issues and problems which are being faced by humans in the current scenario.


varun87Threads: 1
Posts: 2
Author: varun garg
   
Sep 26, 2010, 11:17pm   #3
thanks willied for ur reply and corrections..by grammatical errors you mean the corrections that u have made?....english is my second language..


EF_KevinThreads: 33
Posts: 14,155
Author: You can help a lot of people by visiting the "Unanswered" threads!
 Likes 4  
Sep 29, 2010, 03:17pm   #4
Today,we face problems like global warming and terrorism which are having a deterring effect on our society progress.--- you can deter progress, but not society.

Capitalize the names of the countries! :-)


Try to use a few sentences in each paragraph:
Having said that,it must be acknowledged that pride and integrity of the country is of utmost importance and it can't be compromised with,just for the sake of having good ties with other countries.--- this is just one sentence, but you made it the whole paragraph. After giving the 1st sentence of a paragraph, give an example to show what you mean. Then, give a sentence to show how the example shows what you mean. Then add one more sentence, and it is a whole paragraph!




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