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[IELTS] Unpaid Community Service should be compulsory - DISCUSS!



tiendhThreads: 3
Posts: 11
Author: Vietnamese
   
Jul 28, 2013, 03:01am   #1
Dear friends, please help me correct and assess my IELTS essay. I'm taking IELTS exam in August 03 and I'm trying to increase IELTS writing score.

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports for younger children).
To what extent do you agree or disagree?


It is true that unpaid community service is very popular in high school extracurricular activities. Although this service is useful for our society, I personally believe that we should not force students to do it.

We all know that there are many important subjects in high school including maths, science and literature, and the primary purpose of high school students is learning. These subjects will build enough necessary knowledge for the preparation of tertiary education. Extracurricular activities therefore are only appropriate when high school students have free time because these activities take a lot of time and if they are compulsory, students' study can be adversely affected. In addition, if this kind of activity is compulsory in curriculum, it will be difficult to assess students' mark. For instance, for activity like teaching younger students, the assessment of efficiency can be time-consuming and there are no standard criteria for this.

On the other hand, most of high school students will not happy if they are forced to work without payment. Unhappy students therefore cannot focus on given tasks, resulting in poor quality service. In addition, I think that some students are not ready or available for unpaid community service. For example, if students come from needy families, it is likely they have to work to earn money and activities like working for a charity is not for them. Another example is students with health problems. It seems to be impossible for them to teach younger students to play sports.

In conclusion, although unpaid community service should be encouraged for its benefits, it should not be compulsory part of high school programmes.



dumiThreads: 1
Posts: 7,261
Author: Duminda
[Moderator] Likes 1402  
Jul 28, 2013, 05:49am   #2
Hi,
Today I provided some feedbacks for another essay with the same topic. It may help you too. Check on;
http://www.essayforum.com/writing-feedback-3/some-believe-unpaid- community-service-should-made-compulsory-51163/
tiendh:
We all know that there are many important subjects in high school including maths, science and literature, and the primary purpose of high school students is learning.

Give more prominence to your real reason. Then elaborate it and support it with an example.


fred123Threads: 6
Posts: 18
Author: freddo
 Likes 2  
Jul 29, 2013, 03:27am   #3
On the other hand, most of high school students will not be happy

it is likely that they have to work to earn money and activities


gmad06Threads: 20
Posts: 219
Author: SUSpek
[Contributor] Likes 55  
Jul 29, 2013, 04:41am   #4
tiendh:
students' study can be adversely affected

student's studies can be.....

tiendh:
On the other hand, most of high school students will

this phrase is wrongly used, this phrase is used for contrasting ideas which you do not have....


dumiThreads: 1
Posts: 7,261
Author: Duminda
[Moderator] Likes 1402  
Jul 29, 2013, 06:09am   #5
On the other hand, most of high school students will not be happy if they are forced to work without payment
tiendh:
Unhappy students therefore cannot focus on given tasks, resulting in poor quality service.
........"motivation" is a good keyword to use here;
Such unhappy students would not productively contribute to their given tasks.
tiendh:
n addition, I think that some students are not ready or available for unpaid community service.
................. this is not very clear. Also, you should have stopped with one reason per body para.


tiendhThreads: 3
Posts: 11
Author: Vietnamese
   
Jul 29, 2013, 08:11pm   #6
Thanks everyone for your feedback. I always find it difficult to get ideas for any topics. I tried to read magazines, newspapers ... but it cannot help. How should I do to improve "Task Response" for writing task 2?




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