I need some help in developing a Thesis statement and conclusion for my comparison essay.
I have started but need help
My Two Sons
This paper compares my ...
Sometimes when writing a thesis paper its better to take a concrete side instead of the "middle path." That way, you wont contridict yourself and it will be easier to formulate a thesis. Truthfully throughout the passage you mentioned only differences and not a single similarity. Maybe it would be easier to say "Though they may be brothers, neither of them share any similarities..." At the end you could talk about how they manage to get past their differences and interact well with each other.
Just a thought...
Hope it helps
Does this one make more sense?
I have two fantastic boys in my family that were born four years apart and are as different as night and day. This paper will compare my two sons; though they may be brothers, neither of them shares any similarities.
First, during the birth of ...
In your thesis tell the reader what you are going to tell them. Like maybe 2 or 3 facts that make your sons similiar or diffferent, and those facts will be your body paragraphs. I always remembered this very simple statement my elementary teacher told me. Tell your reader what you are going to tell them, tell them, tell them, tell them, and then tell them what you just told them.
I have two fantastic boys in my family that were born four years apart and are as different as night and day. This paper will compare my two sons (Its better not to put "This paper will" or "in my essay I will.."); (Start here instead) Though they may be brothers, neither of them shares(share) any similarities.
First, during the birth of the oldest son, there were no problems. But, during the birth of the second son, there were a couple of problems.(How about: Our oldest son was lucky as there were no complications during birth; however, the same could not be said about our youngest. It flows much nicer) First, during his (whose? You may want to add names that way you wont have to say youngest and oldest ever line) birth, he became stuck in the birth canal. This caused him much stress, and he stopped breathing and required much medical assistance to start his breathing (run on)(This caused him to stop breathing, and require much medical assistance.). Secondly, (Then) he developed jaundice and had to stay in the hospital for an extra couple of days.(An awkward transition.) The oldest son is very quiet and very dependent on his parents as compared to the youngest son who is very outspoken and very independent. The oldest son has very little patience when doing any task. He will complete the task as fast as he can whether it is correct or not. The youngest has all the patience in the world and will work on a project for as long as it takes to ensure it is completed perfectly. Physically, the oldest stands six foot and weights 220 lbs. The youngest is very slim and weights 110 lbs soak and wet.
Although the boys are very different in personalities, mannerisms and physical build, it is amazing how they managed to get past their differences and interact well with each other.(possible examples or anecdotes?)
-Maybe instead of just saying they are, they had, etc. you could provide some anecdotes. It would help the flow of the passage, and provide easier transitions.
I believe there is a lot to say about your two sons, and it will make a fantastic essay once you "clean" it up a bit
