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Two different methods of losing weight

Maggie8802Threads: 2
Posts: 3
Mar 11, 2007, 10:07pm   #1
this is my contrast and comparison essay. i think my essay needs some help on conclusion and body. please help me to find out errors. please help to review this essay

Two different methods of losing weight

Today thin equals to beautiful. Every magazine or newspaper advertises many different kinds of diet pill or exercise equipment. Lots of people want to lose weight and be healthy. Sometimes if a person is overweight there might be some health problems such as: kidney, asthma or high blood pressure. We want to live long and happily, but it depends on how we live and how we treat our body. Therefore we have to know the best recipe to keep fit and healthy. What is the best recipe to be thin and healthy? In this essay, I will compare two different methods of losing weight which are exercise and diet pill.
I was overweight when I was in high school. It seemed hard to lose weight for me. I was the best student at school. That is why I had to concentrate on study not body. My father suggested me exercise plan. He started to instruct me and I lost 10 pounds in 3 months. I felt more comfortable with my outfit and I became healthier than I was before. Now I go fitness center four times a week, because to do exercise usually makes me happy and healthy.
Exercise is a key to be healthy and to lose weight safely. There are many advantages of exercises. First of all, exercise gives me ability to go through my day with less relative energy expenditure. Second, exercise helps me to maintain and strengthen muscles and to burn calories. Many people break up their exercise throughout the day, because they started too fast. Starting too fast causes discouragement. It is important to begin slowly.
Every day millions of people spent millions of dollars on weight loss supplement. People want to lose weight easy and quickly like my brother Chris. My cousin's husband Chris took diet pills for 6 months and he lost 20 pounds. The result was unbelievable but it was too expensive. After losing weight he just stopped to take pills again, because he found out disadvantages of diet pill. He couldn't sleep at night and he got liver damage. After three months later, he started to gain weight day by day. There are many magazines and newspapers which are advertising diet pills for every person who has weight problems. Some people are succeeded on weight loss by taking diet pills but it didn't work for every fat people. My brother was a true example which means diet pills help for some people. To take a diet pills, you have consider your health and its effectiveness.
Exercise is the best method for losing weight. To lose weight safely, all you have to do is eat healthy foods and do exercise often. There are a lot of diet pills that make false claims about boosting your metabolism. Exercise is the only way to alter your metabolism. The amount of energy you expend determines how quickly your body burns calories. If people maintain your healthy diet and exercise routines for the rest of your life they will lose weight and keep it off. It takes a lot of hard work but losing weight is not going to make people a better person. It will not magically change persons' life. It is a good idea to maintain a healthy weight.

EF_Team2Threads: 1
Posts: 2,195
Author: Sarah, EssayForum.com
Mar 12, 2007, 02:43am   #2

You have a good essay here! I just have a few suggestiosns:

My father suggested me exercise plan. - Say, "My father suggested an exercise plan to me."

exercise gives me ability to go through my day - Don't forget articles before nouns: "gives me the ability..."

Every day millions of people spent millions of dollars on weight loss supplement. - You used past tense when you needed present; say "spend" instead of "spent."

Many people break up their exercise throughout the day because they started too fast. - Normally, if you're talking about breaking up exercise throughout the day, it means you exercise for short periods several times a day. That's obviously not what you meant. I think you might be saying "Many people break their exercise routines" which would mean they stop exercising.

You say that your brother was a true example that diet pills work, yet you say he gained the weight back and got health problems from them. That doesn't really sound like a success story to me. He sounds more like a true example of why diet pills don't work.

You are right about your conclusion needing a bit of help. Every sentence in your closing paragraph seems disconnected from the sentence that follows. Your conclusion should sum up all the points you made in the body of your essay. Saying, "It will not magically change persons' life" and "It is a good idea to maintain a healthy weight" may be true, but they are not really what your essay is about; your essay is comparing and contrasting two different methods of weight loss, so stick to that. Your closing should mention exercise and its advantages and disadvantages (you didn't really get into disadvantages but time commitment is one), and diet pills and their advantages and disadvantages.

I hope this helps!


Sarah, EssayForum.com

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