Christy Harris
English 099-xx
Paper One Draft One
Jan. 30, 2010
Trying to be "Little Miss Perfect"
From Barbie's to Babies
I have tried to be the best at everything I do," I am driven", most of my life, and failure is not an option for me. I feel that I have to go above and beyond to please everyone, and to show everyone around me how intelligent I feel that I am, and what I am truly capable of. The funny thing is, I do not know how to please myself. In my head I feel like if you are going to do something, do it right the first time and take it on full force. In my life there is no room for "failure" I have to succeed and be "the MOST recognized person for my accomplishments and get that" pat on the back" that I deserve", even though to others this may not be such an accomplishment , but to me it was everything! And over the years, as I have grown and evolved into a thirty-two year old women, I've come to realize, that you can't please everyone, just be the best that YOU can be and except the fact that "no-one is perfect"!
One way I feel that I became "Little Miss Perfect" was that I became a teenage mother and I was determined to prove that I could do it ALL on my own and be the "best". I had to call my mom and tell her I was pregnant at fourteen years old, just a baby myself; their baby, ( Ninth Grade Homecoming Queen) I was so disappointed in myself and I was scared to death to face my dad. I felt I had let them down. So from that point on I had to be "perfect", I had to strive to prove I could raise this baby. I had put myself in this situation and it was time to show my abilities. My parents were so loving and they were there for me from the get go, they were hurt, not disappointed, as I later learned.
The struggles of being a teenage mother were so overwhelming. I had to work, go to school, give up all of my teenage years, my friends, my body and be the best mom I could be. I gave up a lot, but I feel I got more back than I had lost. I struggled with the reality of it all really, knowing you're going to be a mom and learning how to be a mom were two different things.
I feel I took a setback in my life, my dreams, my goals; they were all on hold, being a mother came first to me. I had to sacrifice my education, my time and my childhood. I had to now, at sixteen, worry about paying bills, working, providing food and clothes for my son, it was so stressful. I had seemed to develop a desire to become this "outstanding person" this "accomplished individual" if you will, so someone would say to me "Wow, you have done a great job, I am so impressed with what you were able to achieve at such a young age "but at that time I did not know how I was ever going to do it. And that's when I realized I felt I had to be the best and perfect to make this work for me. And that's what I feel sets me apart from other teenage mothers or "different".
I struggled everyday to stay focused and determined to be successful as a young mother and in trying to figure out a career path to provide a good life for my son. After I quit school when I was sixteen, and I had attempted to go to the tenth grade twice, I knew I had to further my education to get where I wanted to be in life. I started studying for my GED, now this to me was extremely difficult considering I went to a "pregnant school, to finish my ninth grade year of junior high" and just to let you know at this school, you were taught how to take care of your baby, you were NOT taught; math, reading, or anything remotely important to enhance your education! So needless to say, I was struggling with my education at this point. But with lots of determination and my overpowering urge to be "perfect" and succeed, I passed my GED the first time I took it and I did very well.
The next step in my future was to go to college; I always wanted to be a R.N. I had a need to help people, but that fell through, I became pregnant again at nineteen and had my youngest son, other things came up and life was getting harder. I did however get into a trade school in 1999. I was going to become a "medical assistant" pretty close to what an LPN does, but without their pay! It worked, it was short term and a small goal, but I knew I could do it. I most defiantly did it and I graduated "top of my class" with honors I was so excited, I had did it, made my parents proud. I am one of four daughters, and I am the only one who has a GED and had gone on to higher education. My sisters didn't do that, and there was nothing stopping them, they didn't have kids, or pay bills or have a house to take care of and a husband that was me! I felt I had done something great, accomplished something none of them did and I had a lot more obstacles in my life than they did. So after eight years of working as a certified medical assistant and a certified nursing assistant, I went to school again to become a phlebotomist, and again I went in full force, graduated top of my class. PERFECT; grades 4.0, national boards passed no problem, I never missed a day of class, no matter where I was, or what I was doing it had to be just right. I wouldn't settle for just an (A) it had to be the highest (A), or I was upset with myself. I should've studied a little harder. I feel that makes me "different" from other people, they don't understand the strain I put on myself, I want to "shine" in everything I do, EVERYTHING! It kind-of becomes an obsession with me sometimes.
So I finally got up enough nerve with the encouragement of my family and my fiancée to try to go to college and so here I am again, trying to be the best. College is a scary adventure for me, I still feel like I'm so far behind everyone else, but with my mind set on something, there is no turning back for me. My goals now are to become an R.N. That was my plan all along and now that my children are older, and with all the support I have with my family and fiancée, that is what I plan to achieve in the next four years.
For me becoming a teenage mother, I had to take responsibility for my actions so long ago, and still to this day, I will not accept "FAILURE" in my life. I have to strive to reach my highest potential and my goals, to be a role model for my two sons.
And because of all the different situations in my life I have had to face, I now see my blessings, not my failures. I have already accomplished so much more than other people in the same situation that spiraled my young life into a whirlwind, and I appreciated the satisfaction of knowing that all situations, even though, may be the same for many, for me I looked at it in a different aspect. I feel I took a different path than most would have. I never gave into statistics and I rose to the occasion, with my head held high, and for that I am blessed, that I was different and I have done what few girls in my situation had accomplished.
I know now what it means to "be a leader not a follower". Sometimes thinking different, being different, or doing something different that's out of the" norm" is not a bad thing. This is what makes people unique. That's what brings someone into his or her own and gives them a way to find what will work for them. I once was a follower, and went along with the crowed, but now I feel I am a leader. And that's something I am proud of.
Maybe being overly determined is a positive thing and sometime it pays off to be a little "different". I will never forget I had an older lady once ask me when my son was about 8 months old and we were at the mall; "Is that your little brother he is so cute?" and I just looked at her and wondered why would she would think that? And then I realized, "I was different; I was a child carrying my child on my hip! But even after I thought for a second I said "no, this is my son" she then said,
"Honey, you are too young to be his mother" and I was crushed, but then I said to her before I walked away, "a mother has no age, I am his mother and I do more and love him more than some 30 year old mothers do for their children!" and left her to think about that. It was that drive that has got me this far.
Is striving for perfection really a bad thing? Not if you do it to get a positive result. Its wasn't "wrong" to become pregnant at fourteen, it was a hard lesson learned, but I learned, that trying to be "perfect" to make up for my bad decision making, made me a better person and a good mother and also a strong willed women. But not everyone agrees, but that is ok, because I have learned to please myself and I know it's not a life I would wish for my sixteen year old son or someone else's daughter, but it's never impossible, if you have the drive to make it happen.
