Please correct my essay and give me some suggestions. Apparently, it takes me about 1-2 hours to write an essay and I can't help it. I hope you could give me some advice on how to plan my essay. Thank you very much!
Testing on animals should be made illegal. Agree or disagree?
Perhaps the most serious problem facing the animals' rights today is animal experimentation. Many medical treatments have been discovered by animal testing, including cancer and HIV drugs While most scientists claim that this is vital for improving human health, I believe that primates should have the same rights as human beings.
There are several reasons why animal testing should be banned. Firstly, the costs outweigh the benefits. Every year, cosmetic companies, farms or medical schools kill millions of animals to test their products, without any beneficial result. Animal testing costs an enormous amount of money, since they must be fed, cared for and treated with drugs or experimental substances.
Secondly, animals are kept in unnatural conditions. Recent studies point out that animals are neglected and treated poorly, which influences their reactions to drugs. In March 2003, a lab technician shot a video inside a lab, which revealed primates in cages without pain medication, for instance one baboon with a metal cylinder screwed into its head. Consequently, I think that sacrificing animals is an expensive and painful activity.
There is also the argument that many ethical and genetic principles are broken when testing on animals. Many people agree that it is not only inhumane and cruel to cause pain to animals, but also misleading, since animals and people's response to a drug can be different. I personally believe that human beings have no moral right to use animals in ways that do not benefit the individual.
For the reasons mentioned above, it seems to me that testing on animals has no clear result and consequently, is should be made illegal.
Hi,
I agree with you that the responses to the same drugs could be different between animals and humans. However, I believe the differences are resulted from different biological essences. For examples, dogs and humans are different physically and genetically. In this paragraph, you pointed out that animals treated unnaturally could affect the experimental results. This is misleading because the biological nature of one species could not be changed even under natural condition.
Maybe you should rethink and reorganize your thoughts.
Best regards,
Hi Luca,
Its a common problem faced by everyone attempting to write essays for IELTS.
But there are couple of tips and tricks that you should follow.
Firstly, before starting to write your essay, try to jot down the ideas or points on the scratch papers about both the sides of the arguments(don't invest more than 5 min for this).
Perhaps, 1 to 2 points for opposite view and 2 to 3 about your standing view should be sufficient.
Now start framing your essay with the help of these outlines that you had mentioned on scratch paper. Try this, it may help you to complete your essay in the given time-slot.
Also, follow this strict structure:
1 Para : Introduction
2 Para : Ideas about the opposite view
3 and 4th Para : In regards to your view
5th Para : Conclusion
Hi y0_3mma,
Firstly I have to agree with alirulez, he has given an excellent example on the right way to organize the essay.
For the essay itself, I'd like to talk about the fourth paragraph (ethical issue). This is a good point but the elaboration is not clear when reading at the first glance. I understand that it is difficult to elaborate but.... maybe you could just give 2 points to agree and elaborate, rather than 3 points? It will probably be much easier to plan and organise.
Thank you all. I will rewrite this essay and I will post it in a new thread. Please don't forget to correct that one, too.
