Hi,
I'm preparing for Toefl independent writing task. Therefore it's a great help if you could give me a feedback on this essay.
Thanks
Question; Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?Teachers should be paid according to how much their students learn. Give specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
Personally, I do not agree with the statement that teachers should be paid according to how much their students learn. There are two reasons why I believe this system is unfair by the teachers and also it lacks logical reasoning;
First and foremost, the students differ in their interest, capacity, potential and maturity. The teachers can certainly influence them to improve most of them, especially their interest in the subject. However, it is very difficult to do much about one's in-born capabilities. For example, some students are born intelligent and they outperform other students. Therefore they are faster in understanding new concepts, theories and formulas compared to most of their fellow students. It is not the quality of teaching that matters a lot in their learning capacity, but it is their own talents. In this scenario, if the teacher is paid according to the volume of student's learning, then he or she would be a very lucky teacher. On the other hand, consider a student who is much below in capacity of an average student of his/her age. This student would require a longer period of time to grasp what is taught and also would be much slower in producing results, even he/she is in the hands of the best teacher on the earth. This is why I believe that this system does not provide any logical reasoning while offering an unfair solution to compensate teachers for their valuable service.
In addition, teaching is a very respectable and highly regarded profession by which many people earn their living. Therefore, the teachers should be adequately compensated for their hard labor, skills, commitment and sacrifice. In my country the teachers are considered as one's second parents who too are eagerly looking forward to making a brighter future for their students. According to our culture,teaching is a great service, and not a mere profession. It extends beyond the class room limits and teachers develop strong personal relationships with their students that help them influence the moral of their students. If a teacher is going to be evaluated and paid according to the student's capacity of learning, then this profession would loose its respect and dignity while taking a more commercialized approach. This would adversely affect the moral values of the teaching profession while introducing more materialistic approach to this profession.
Finally, I believe it is not necessary to attach the teacher's payment to the student's learning capacity because, any way, the good teachers do always earn recognition and are in better demand compared to their less effective peers.
The above reasons have led me to conclude that teachers should not be paid according to how much their students learn.
The second para's really good. I think the following changes can be made ( i am not saying i am right)
The teachers can certainly influence them to improve most of them-can be framed in a better way, maybe u can remove "most of them" and say "Teachers can influence them especially to improve their interest in the subject." Also "the" at the start of the sentence i was talking about can be removed.
Either use a period or a colon. It is better to use a period, but a colon is not bad.
...and also it lacks logical reasoning.
or
...and also it lacks logical reasoning:
In this scenario, if the teacher is paid according to the volume of student's learning, then he or she would be a very lucky teacher. --- ha ha, good sentence
Excellent... I like the way you included mention of your culture.
Finally, I believe it is not necessary to attach the teacher's pay to the student's learning capacity, because in any case the good teach ers do always earn recognition and are in better demand compared to their less effective peers.
