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Topic: What is one great question that every well-educated person should ask?


trungandhoai 7 / 20  
Aug 3, 2010   #1
Knowledge plays such a pivotal role in our society. For long, people who achieve a huge amount of knowledge have been greatly extoled and considered magnates. However, they are famous not only for their perception but also for their contribution to societies. So the well-educated people should always keep in their minds a question: "In what way can I implement my knowledge?"

An educated person does not need to obtain a lot of knowledge but needs to know how to exploit his ability. "The last leaf" by O' Henry successfully glorifies an unknown artist exploiting his ability in order to save one's life. The story was about two young female artists named Sue and Johnsy and their predecessor, Behrman. Though they were all impoverished, they still kept in their heart indomitable passion for art. However, Johnsy was totally ill and renounced her belief because of a harsh life of an artist. It was autumn and leaves were falling off the trees. Johnsy said when the last leaf fell it would be the time she left this world. The morning when Johnsy woke up, she immediately looked at the tree to see whether the last leaf fell off or not. It was still there though it did severely rain the night before! The last leaf inspired Johnsy a lot; it gave her incentive to live. When Jonhsy became better, Behrman's health day by day became worse. When he died, Jonhsy found out that the last leave she saw was just a picture, which was painted by Behrman. That night when the last leaf fell off the tree, Behrman tried to paint a real leaf in order to encourage Johnsy to live a better life. Although being considered as "a failure in art", not painting any famous masterpieces of art, Behrman was such the educated person. He might not contribute any big achievements to art like Leonardo De Vinci, Van Goths but he knew the best way to implement his knowledge to make better lives for other.

The character Behrman of "The last leaf" does not only exist in the literature world; there are many versions of Behrman always wondering how they can use their knowledge soon find out the most suitable way. There are many unknown artist of humanity devoting their time, their mind to helping the poor, the sick, and the orphaned. For instances, Mother Teresa was one of the most extoled Christians. She devoted all time of her life-over 45 years- to ministering many people in India. She did it not for fame, not for money, not for praise but for her predilection for voluntary work. She found out the way in which she could implement her knowledge, her ability of deeply sympathizing with other and followed it at any costs. Yet there are many well-educated people who do not help other in a direct way like Mother Teresa but they do make a huge positive change in our society. Galileo was one of them. Being considered as the founder of modern science and physics, Galileo was the first to suppose the theory that the Earth is not the center of universe, which was considered heresy of his day. Although the Church criticized his theory greatly and kept Galileo under surveillance, Galileo did try to expand the theory through teaching his students and writing books, which might risk his life. For him, implementing his knowledge to help other realize the truth was the most important thing.

Behrman, Mother Teresa, Galileo are all well-educated people. They knew the best way to implement their knowledge and contributed greatly to their societies. Although we can not be astute as Galileo or have such great passion for humane work like Mother Teresa we still can use our knowledge to help other. A student who spends two or three hours per week ministering patient at local hospital can be considered very well - educated one. An unknown artist who paints pictures not only for his passion for art but also for donation to help orphaned children is really well-educated person. We are all well - educated people if we know which way can we apply our knowledge to make a better life. Just do what we can and then see how big the result will be.

Note: Please have a look at my essay and point out my grammar errors because I am trying to improve it. Also please advice me for better ideas and structures. Thank you a lot and have a nice day ^^!
triplesmickey 1 / 39  
Aug 4, 2010   #2
Same name, haven't we? So let's see if we have the same lead of style.

... a huge amount of knowledge have been greatly extoled and considered magnates.

The word 'extoled' is meaningless. To mean 'glorify,' please use 'extolled' instead. Misspellings are one of the major problems that reduce marks in essays. Also, the connection between 'contribution to societies' and the question is rather implicit. Just for an example, I'd like to contribute a rephrased paragraph for your consideration:

For as long as mankind considers recallable, knowledge has played such a crucial role in our society. No matter what, people who has successfully accumulated a vital amount of knowledge are always extolled in different glorification. Yet the single most important factor to determine the honor is not their cognition, but their contribution to our planet. Thus an essential question pops, "In what ways can I implement knowledge?"

However, Johnsy was totally ill and renounced her belief because of a harsh life of an artist.

It was still there though it did severely rain the night before!

Although being considered as "a failure in art", not painting any famous masterpieces ...

Your retelling of a story is not brief enough. Some of the obscurities have been marked in bold. Please refer to these specific spots to chance your style of writing a new brightness and vividness.

Nobody is a 'failure in art.' That phrase is rather uncommon and not preferable. It objects the entity with a harsh fall of discouragement and incredulity. You are not ever to reuse this phrase again, if you do not want to be punched, or rather endangered. Those who are easily offended might take the greatest exception to that.

The character Behrman of "The last leaf" does not only exist in the literature world; there are many versions of Behrman always wondering how they can use their knowledge soon find out the most suitable way.

For instances , Mother Teresa was one of the most extoled Christians. She devoted all time of her life-over 45 years- to ministering many people in India.

The two reddened sentences demonstrate a troubled struggle of phrasing.
A common error occurs: "other". "Other", without an 's,' is an adjective, or a singular noun replacement.

Although we can not be astute as Galileo or have such great passion ...
... ministering patient at local hospital can be considered very well - educated one .
... also for donation to help orphaned children is really well-educated person .
We are all well - educated people if we know which way can we apply our knowledge to make a better life .

Your conclusion proves rather lackluster and well, not noticeably memorable. As your composition dies out, your grammatical accuracy withers and at the very end there are so many errors that the read is made poor.

Try to imply ideas richer and deeper, to convey words that are more than mere words. The very subject discussed here is worth such a desire.
Shadow93 9 / 40  
Aug 4, 2010   #3
Previous poster did a great job of dissecting your essay, listen to him :))

I would focus on ideas.

I enjoyed tremendously your discussion of the last leaf. Your discussion and style is superb, and the ideas are neatly developed.

Unfortunately, your essay suddenly lost its touch. I suggest scrapping (if you are perfectionist) the two done to death examples and refocus on your essay on a unique perspective, specifically on how the importance of EDUCATION is not education in itself. Perhaps you can offer a counter example of how education only affects the world if it is used in the world.

Your conclusion deserves a lot better than that!! Its not passionate enough, it sounds dead. End it with FLAIR. Something like.

To be educated is to contribute. To not contribute, to not give, is to be no different from those who are not educated.

Etc... Im sure you can do better than this~
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Aug 5, 2010   #4
I think it is better this way:
for their contribution to societies.
for their contributions to society.

Good question!! How to implement my knowledge. That is better than what I would have said. It is very interesting!

The character Behrman of "The last leaf" does not..._ I think this should not be the 1st sentence of the paragraph. I think a topic sentence should come before it to introduce the main idea of the paragraph.

Use 'and'
Behrman, Mother Teresa, and Galileo are all ...
He might not contribute any big achievements to art like Leonardo De Vinci and Van Goghs, but he knew the best way to implement his knowledge to make better lives for other.

:-)
OP trungandhoai 7 / 20  
Aug 5, 2010   #5
Dear Trung Mickey: I'm really appreciated your comments. I know there are a lot of mistakes about grammar. By the way, can you spend your little time giving me some pieces of advice for how to improve my writing style. What sorts of reading or technique do I have to learn to make my writing more cohesive?

Thank you a lot ^^.
triplesmickey 1 / 39  
Aug 6, 2010   #6
A quick note before I start, revise your use of punctuations (the colon that you have placed there), for it seems to me that you have not a clear notion of what punctuations are to be used. A colon, in this case, is wrongly placed, for a colon only comes after a structured, meaningful sentence, and yours does not imply full meanings yet.

Anyhow, about improving your writing style, there is no need, because I see your style is functional enough to prove good, yet good only when it comes to writing. To make a masterpiece, it is a matter of practice of which you lack and from which you can withdraw your experiences in time to come. To make your writing more coherent, you need to extract the vocabulary out of your mind, brace it for the use in the composition, then leave it to go flooding out, after which you need to have a careful proofreading. Then again, they say, that your style is a mingling combination of writing and reading. Some of the books--and books, not audiobooks for the use of entertainment--that I recommend is, Hush, Hush by Becca Fitzpatrick; Lord of The Ring Trilogy by J. R. R. Tolkien (in case you haven't read it yet, which I find possible for you are probably Vietnamese); The Inheritance Cycle by Christopher Paolini; Harry Potter (in English, for it is a masterpiece and the Vietnamese version of the books is so popular you should have read it by now), by J. K. Rowling; The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown (if you are equal to, or above Advanced Level of IELTS, or TOELF); A Game of Thrones by George R. R. Martin; 1984 by George Orwell; and so on. In case you want to improve your listening, I recommend movies: Charmed (1999~2008) series, a really, really lovely movie of fantasies, concerning witchcraft; Lost... Listen to the Oprah Winfrey's Show--the compere of which has very much been an inspiration of my life. These are really good. Try some, and you might not be able to resist...

LOL!


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