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Too much attention is paid to and too much money is spent on keeping pets


nittuot 1 / -  
Apr 2, 2010   #1
Every creature on this earth is important to maintain an ecosystem. So, it is very important to save all the creatures. Some of its are pets. Although people throughout the world are starving and other people spent too much money on keeping pets.

However, pets are very useful for human beings. Human beings use to keep them as a family members and cares. So it's give an emotional support to that person & assist them to overcome many psychological problems like anxiety, depression and isolation.

In addition to that pets also play an important role to development of child &help them to acquire essential skill, which is important for their live, like taking responsibility, social development etc. therefore money is required for pets care, immunization, & their health.

In contrast, people throughout the world are starving, at the same time animals which are not pets have also a poor condition. Some of the people have hobby to keep pets or it's a symbol of their status. Pets are usually kept by higher status people, they have enough money, but it totally depend on them that how they use their money. They should donate their money to help needy people; government should also take initiative to help these kinds of people.

In conclusion, I agree with the above statement that too much attention is paid to and too much money is is spent on keeping pets, because its their money; at the same time as a humanity they should donate money to help needy people.
Azeri 10 / 137  
Apr 2, 2010   #2
First, the sentence "Although people throughout the world are starving and other people spent too much money on keeping pets" should be paraphrased to deliver meaning that it contain. It sjould be like "While people throughout the world are starving, other people spent too much money on keeping pets". Moreover, this sentence does not match its place there, it should be placed in the forth paragraph.

your conclusion is very short and a little vaque. What are you mean by "because its their money"?
Conclusion should be a brief overview of your main reasons and only after them you may repeat once again your point of view.
"Some of the people have hobby to keep pets or it's a symbol of their status" - ...as a symbol or because it is a symbol.

an important role to development - ... in development
of child &help them - of a child and help him/her , because you used the word in singular
Try to make it larger, by adding additional supporting ideas and examples. Plan your essay and divide it into extensive paragraphes with introduction and conclusion


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