Cut ruthlessly:
"There are one thousand Hamlets in one thousand people's eyes. As we see, this issue-it is essential for the young people to have the ability to plan and organize-is a complex one, requiring subjective judgment, and So different are personal experiences and emotional concerns among individuals that people from diverse cultures might hold unique perspectives from one another. In my opinion, I am in strong agreement with this point of view."
There we go. The opening preamble is gone, as is the utterly useless last sentence. We know that what you have said is your opinion, and that you agree with it. It is your essay, after all. Likewise:
"First of all, it goes without saying that planning and organisation abilities can assist students master their time effectively." If it goes without saying, why are you saying it? Either you don't mean it, and should cut the phrase, or you do mean it, and should get rid of the entire sentence.
If you choose to cut the above quoted sentence entirely, then you can revise this sentence thusly:
"In other words, Students who plan their study schedule and organise their personal events tend to be more efficient than those who don't. never plan or organise."
The more you cut without losing your meaning, the stronger your writing will be.
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