Hi all friends,
I am a Vietnamese student, now I am taking a English course, it is difficult for me to write an essay that foreigners can understand. I need a help, please correct my essays.
thanks a lot.
Tam
Hereafter, I have two first essays
1. Modern technology has increased material wealth but not happiness
To what extend do you agree / disagree with the statement?
According to the recent statistic, the number of people who are stressed by influence of a modern lifestyle is more increasing. They have to suffer quick development of advanced technology, people are always busy at work. Undeniably, modern technology makes people's standard of living higher, however, I am convinced that people will not be happy while they live in a modern society with modern technology all around them.
First, technological advances, resulting in increassed degrees of industrialisation, have changed a lot of things in society, therefore, people are living in that society have to suffer influences of these big changes, e.g., instead of doing in a company with 8 working hours per day then people can go home and spend their time for family or go out to enjoy chating or coffee with friends, people must be in their office and do a lot of works, may be ten working hours per day, even they have to take works to do at home and their meals are always fastfood. Do you think is that a happy life?
Moreover, modern technology makes people's life boring, after working time people often sitting by their computer to play games or reading some informations on internet. That means they do not refresh their mind and by accident they turn their own into slave of modern technology. In fact, a lot of teenage get stuck in their lives, they think that there is nothing to learn and to enjoy because they know everything thanks to technological advances, thus, they choose the death for their solution.
For all above reasons, I thoroughly believe that modern technology can not decide the happiness, it has improved people's standard of living but not happiness.
2. Should the rich countries help the poor countries, should government help the poorer nations in improving health, education and trade?
Why not how
People are living in a planet, each person as a link to make a big chain thus the world looks like a huge family. Among that family, each continent is a small unit and each country is considered a member in this family. And the question of whether should the rich countries help the poor contries or not. Why not? Why don't we open wide the arms to help the relatives having a better life?
First, the health is the most important for people, owning a good health, people can do everything if they try their best to get it. Imagine one person is always sick and he can not do anything, even need to be helped, that is a terrible life. Conversely, he can produce wealth and reduce property, raise the standard of living. Therefore, investing in improving standard of health field is urgent.
Moreover, living in a modern society, every one need to be well educated, so government should upgrade a education system. When one country has many talented people, that caused the country better in many ways: people are more civilized; society will be more modern, ect.
The last, to be come a powerful country, business is indispensable. People having an idiom "one cannot get rich without engaging in trade", trading makes benefit for country and business is also the last because having a good health, people will study well; with qualified level, people will success in business.
Inconclusion, balance value is always a finish that people want to reach up in the life. To achieve this, the act of helping is needed thing, as in one family, when a child can not go up to stair, the adult should hold their hands to teach them how to go. The same to a society, the rich countries and the authorities need to help the poorer having higher standard of living; that are health; education and trade.
Yes, this is easy to understand. It is okay for you to write in a way that shows that you are bilingual and not a native speaker of English. Your way of writing is good already, and it will keep getting better.
In this last sentence, use a semi-colon:
modern technology can not decide the happiness; it has improved people's standard of living but not happiness.
If you keep reading in English, you will get very good at writing in English.
Here is another idea:
Why don't we open wide our arms to help our relatives to experience a better life?
