The relative importance of obeying parents' rules and getting less control from them is a frequent topic of discussion when people have an educational problem how to treat with our children better.
Mention your opinion, either agree or disagree, at the end of the introduction. U should also state the reasons why you agree or disagree with the statement because the reader would find out that what issues are going to be discussed in the body if you let him/her know about the reasons (For more information google for "blueprint in writing essay")
Apparently, the traditional way of educating children is to make them listen to the senior generation's order and follow the rules. The young generation may be naughty and unruly, or even be tempted to a criminal road, without the necessary and essential rules and guidance from their parents and teachers.
What is the main idea of this paragraph? it is too vague and goes nowhere. Add an example and make your idea more apparent.
.affect their adult
lifelivesThe self-control helps children to have less drive to eat the whole bag of chips, and when they grow these children may have less possibilities to run off the credit cards.
I think you should elaborate on the paragraph and explain how they may control their senses and feelings. It is not clear.
in order to leadsteer them toward a right way through the children's journey of maturityto grow up
Regards
Ahmad