Hello everybody,
this is my second attempt to the TOEFL Essay format. I'd appreciate any comment and suggestion.
Some people prefer to live in a small town. Others prefer to live in a big city. Which place would you prefer to live in? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.
The issue at hand is the question whether one likes to live in a big city or in a small town. The variety, atmosphere and anonymity are the reasons I prefer a big city as the place to live in.
Firstly, big cities attract big people. If you live in metropolitan area such as New York City, for instance, you might get used to see celebrities such as Woody Allen or Robbie Williams frequently. Moreover you can enjoy your favorite bands live in concert and attend great sport events such as World Championships. I love being able to support my home soccer team in matches against renowned international teams.
Beyond these special occasions big cities enhance your day to day life. There are new places to be discovered every day. For example I might stumble upon a great new Indian restaurant I have not noticed before. These chances of unexpected experiences increase my personal quality of life.
Additionally, a big city appeals to my aesthetic feelings. Seeing pulsating red and white traffic lights going up and down the roads from the top of a skyscraper is an unmissable pleasure. These views are inspirations for my own artistic works and add to the "big city lifestyle".
Finally, anonymity is a great characteristic of the life in a big city. If you have the crazy idea of walking backwards down the roads half-naked with nothing but a water-melon on your head then you should do it in a big city. Only there you can observe the funny and interesting reactions without the fear of being the target of laughter for the next decades. Thus a big city offers my creativity a space to grow.
To conclude, big cities are the places to live in. I hold this believe due to the pleasures that come out of the variety, art and anonymity a big city has to offer.
My highlighting isn't showing up right, but:
- before "metropolitan area", put "a".
- instead of "see" put "seeing"
- comma after "moreover"
- comma after "special occasions"
- comma after "for example"
- instead of "big city lifestyle". , put "big city lifestyle."
- comma after "watermelon on your head"
- instead of "only here you can" put "only here can you"
- comma after "thus"
- instead of "believe" put "belief"
Hello RyanVi16, hello twinsbaseball,
thank you very much for your feedback. I learn a lot from your remarks and highlighting.
I've been thinking about whether one can write
"To conclude, big cities are the places to live in."
I wanted to refer to the term "place to be" but it might be grammatically wrong or maybe too colloquial. What do you think?
Besides, are you sure about going into singular here? I think it might be countable in this case.
These chances of unexpected experiences increase my personal quality of life.
And why do you go into past tense?
These chances of unexpected experiences increased my personal quality of life.
Hi
I think you right about the plural experiences . I misread your sentence and I thought you talking about the experience of finding new restaurant.
I put better place to live in because you are comparing two places, as a conclusion you should put the result of your comparison from all the evidence you have given.
I put it in past tense because I assume all this have happened and have helped contributing to your quality (which should be in past tense).
However, if you just saying it as an example (like it may happen in the future), you have to add words to indicate that such as: would increase, or will increase (but I think "would" would make more sense)
