If you are a famous person all the people believe you have a wonderful life with no worries or problems. But, to my mind being famous
havehas both advantages and disadvantages.
The greatest advantage (use synonym such as "positive side") is that celebrities are usually very rich (u can use "well off") and they have easier li
fves than other people. They live in beautiful enormous houses maintained by housekeepers, gardeners, cooks and many servants.
Secondly, being a celebrity bring them (be careful about "plural" and "singular" words) such privileges as not pay in restaurants, travel a lot all around the world and they can also afford the best clothes and drive the latest models of fast and luxurious cars (what was mentioned in this paragraph all a result of this fact that celebrities are wealthy people. So, it would be better to make this paragraph and the previous one as the same paragraph. ) .
Furthermore, they spend their holidays in expensive resorts, get the best hotel rooms and the most efficient service. In addition, when a celebrity is sick, he/she has certainly a private doctor and the best medical treatment (I think u should add this sentence to previous paragraphs and write all these examples in one paragraph because all of the examples revolve around one thing (celebrities are rich!!!). (You must talk about disadvantages in separate paragraph)However, being famous involves a lot of disadvantages. For example, they
can´t cannot (do not use contraction in writing) go to the same places that the ordinary people usually go to without having many 'paparazzi' behind them. They are like a public property and do not have privacy.
And finally, there is a major drawback: the more they get and succeed the more their fans expected them to achieve (suggestion: the expectation of fans will increase as their favorite celebrities achieve more success). Because this state of constant stress, many of them are pushed in alcoholism, drug-addiction and depression (wow, this conclusion is not reasonable, nobody steer to these terrible situations because of the thing that u said. U could say :"Therefore, the anxiety level of well-known people can dramatically rise up which can negatively affect their mental heath").
As a resulIn conclusiont, whilealthough it is true to say that famous people live a great life, I prefer to be an anonymous person because the benefits of being an ordinary person outweigh the disadvantages of being a rich and famous one.
U should consider that each paragraph has three main parts : 1)thesis, 2)body (supports), and 3) conclusion. Almost all the paragraphs of the essay have no conclusions. Secondly you should be careful about structure of the essay. Do not make a new paragraph in the situations that it is not necessary. Writ advantages in one paragraph, and disadvantages in another one. Final point is that you must use more and stronger words. In fact, lexical resource is one of the most important criteria for scoring an essay.