Unanswered [3] / Featured [2] / URGENT [0]   

    help     or  

Essay Forum / Writing Feedback /      

THE 12th CENTURY RENAISSANCE; history class essay



alikaThreads: 3
Posts: 6
Author: Alika Güvenç
   
Dec 19, 2006, 05:59pm   #1
Hi, this is the latest essay I wrote. This essay is for my history class, and I have to give it on Thursday. If you have time and patience to read my essay (It is a bit long) and to tell your suggestions, I will very happy. I am expected to write the reasons for the 12th century renaissance and the results of it. Thanks a lot.

THE 12th CENTURY RENAISSANCE

According to the Oxford Advanced Learner's Dictinory "renaissance" means a situation when there is new interest in a particular subject, form of art after a period when it was not very popular. The other meaning of "renaissance" in the same dictionary stands for the Italian renaissance. However, there is an other period which is called "The Twelfth Century Renaissance" which played a significant role in Europe's history. In order to understand The 12th Century Renaissance, the circumstances in Europe before that period should be discussed.

The Germanic invasions played a major role in the collapse of the Roman Empire. Afterwards, about 7th and 8th centuries, Muslims attacked the Mediterranean and the trade and communication between East Europe and West Europe ceased. These two significant events culminated in a rural society, quite different from the Roman Empire which was an urban civilization. With the changes, a new economic system was founded, feudalism. In feudalism the lords who owned the lands had serfs to work for them, yet serfs were in better condition than the Roman slaves in this new system. Feudalism was a kind of chain organization, in which everyone depends on each other. The lord provided the protection for the peasants against the barbarian invasions, while the peasants worked for the lords. During this process Christianity that was inherited from the Roman Empire determined everything about this society. Within the lord's castle and land, there was a perish church, which systemized the life. The most important medieval institution was the Church.

Until the revival of trade, during feudalism, people lived in a small world which was the castle. Many members of the feudalic society were illiterate and they knew nothing but work. In addition, Christianity supported this system with its ideology. For example, by declaring, "People who suffer in this world will find happiness in the presence of God", the Church made the poor peasants feel better and work within the feudalism. However, feudalism like many other economic systems came to an end with the revival of trade. It did not disappear promptly, yet the system weakened. The weaking of feudalism was the signal of a new process in the history of Europe.

Christianity, while leading the social and economic life in many aspects, directed the lords, chivalries, and other eager feudal warriors to the lands of Muslim. By this way, the Church was planning to expand the christianity to muslims and also to capture the Holy lands. Crusaders were on the scene of the Medieval Age. Crusades took place from the beginning of the 11th century. The raids of the Crusades did not reach the targets of the Church, while it played an important role in the revival of the trade. As a result of the Crusades, the land routes were put in order, and this led to the revival of the land trade. Furthermore, the Crusades provided an advantegeous position in the Mediterranean Sea for Christians against the Muslims, weakened the papacy, and lastly, the aristocrats, in other words, the land lords lost power because of the Crusades.

The revival of trade caused significant changes in economic and social life from the beginning of the 11th century. During the feudal system there were not markets; therefore, everyone was producing only what they needed. People were unaware of money, and they were imprisoned in their lords' land. Trade transformed the feudal society which is rural, into an urban civilization like the Roman Empire. The new markets, and the new inventions such as plow increased the agricultural production. The peasants searched for new lands, at the end, forests and also marshes transformed into agricultural lands. The peasants were in better conditions by the help of the trade and the urban life; consequentl, the population increased during this period. Aristocrats freed their peasants, rent hem lands in order to gain money, because money was important again, and the lords were eager to take part in this new life style. In line with these changes in the feudal life style, a new group of people appeared in the scene of Europe, merchants. The revival of trade and the revival of cities made the capital important, the importance of land decreased.

The changes during the 11th century, changed the structure of Europe. If it these changes had not taken place, Europe probably would be a different society, maybe a society which is based on agriculture.

The revival of trade changed the economic system of Europe completely, and in general changes in the economic systems lead changes in the social and culturel lives of people. As I mentioned above, the lives of peasants and aristocrats changed during this process. However, the lives of the clergy also changed during this time. The Church, like the aristocrats, was very rich, by the help of the feudal system. After urbanization and the revival of the trade, the Church adopted a hostile attitude towards merchants and their demands for trading such as borrowing money, paying and requiring interests. Nevertheless, in time the Church accepted the merchants' demands and told that they are in line with Christianity.

The 11th century was the birth of the Europe. Production, trade, agriculture, inventions, transformations, and lots of different things were taking place during this period. The necessities for this new life required knowledge in some issues. For example, people wanted to learn about trade and law. Hence, adult males congregated in Bologna, Italy, in the end of the 11th century, and established the first university in Europe. Paris, Oxford and other universities followed Bologna university. People studied law, medicine, philosophy, theology in these universities. With the knowledge they acquired from the universities, people began to interrogate the system. The desire to learn new things, the process of translating texts from antiquity and from the Muslim writings, learning about the ancient philosophers such as Aristotle, Platon, and in addition studying the Muslim philosophers culminated in The 12th Century Renaissance. Intellectuals such as Abelard appeared. There were efforts underway to make Christianity more human. The spirit of the people changed. A desire for knowledge growed in all around the Europe. Most importantly people began to think, to discuss, to write, to read. However, these changes disturbed the Church, because the new thoughts seemed to contradict Christian dogma. In addition the efforts to find a logical explanation for everyting feared the Church. In addition to these people began to oppose the ideology of the Church, because from the beginning of the 11th century, people realized that there were rewards to be found in the life of the material world. These thoughts, studying philosophers from antiquity, developing new logical systems were all against the Church .

The Medieval World which was nothing less than an Age of Faith, began to transform during the 12th Century Renaissance. The 12th Century Renaissance, was based on philosophy and cultural enlightment, and provided the adequate circumstance for the further evolutions such as the Italian Renaissance. As we know Roman people were both thinkers and doers. They sought for good life. This had changed after the barbarian invasions and the Muslim attacks towards the Mediterranean. Nevertheless, with the 12th Century Renaissance, seven centuries after the collapse of the Roman Empire, people freed their mind, they discovered their personal potential, and many of them began to think and ask. Lastly, for me, the 12th Century Renaissance played a very important role in the destiny of Europe, if it had not occurred, Europe would be quite different civilization today.



EF_Team2Threads: 1
Posts: 2,195
Author: Sarah, EssayForum.com
   
Dec 19, 2006, 09:39pm   #2
Greetings, again!

You're right--this is a nice, long essay, but I can at least help you get started!

"According to the Oxford Advanced Learner's Dictinory "renaissance" means a situation when there is new interest in a particular subject, form of art after a period when it was not very popular."

I think this was probably a typo, but "Dictionary" is spelled wrong. My first suggestion would be to run the spell-check on the essay in your computer. ;-) Also, something seems to be missing from the sentence; should it be ". . . subject or form of art . . . "? The comma seems to be out of place in that phrase.

"The other meaning of "renaissance" in the same dictionary stands for the Italian renaissance."

Capitalize "Renaissance" in the "Italian Renaissance" reference, since you are naming a particular epoch.

"However, there is an other period which is called "The Twelfth Century Renaissance" which played a significant role in Europe's history."

It might sound a little smoother to say, "However, another period also played a significant role in Europe's history. It was called "The Twelfth Century Renaissance."

"Afterwards, about 7th and 8th centuries, Muslims attacked the Mediterranean and the trade and communication between East Europe and West Europe ceased."

Insert "the" in front of "7th", then delete "the" before "trade." How about "Eastern and Western Europe"?

"These two significant events culminated in a rural society, quite different from the Roman Empire which was an urban civilization."

How about: ". . . quite different from the urban civilization of the Roman Empire."

"With the changes, a new economic system was founded, feudalism."

You could say ". . . a new economic system called feudalism was founded" or "feudalism became the new economic system throughout Europe." Or something like that.

"Within the lord's castle and land, there was a perish church, which systemized the life."

You mean "parish" rather than "perish." (Look up the meaning of "perish", as applied in this sentence; I think you'll be amused.) :-))

"Until the revival of trade, during feudalism, people lived in a small world which was the castle."

". . . the small world of the castle" would be better.

"Many members of the feudalic society were illiterate and they knew nothing but work."

It should be "feudal" rather than "feudalic."

"For example, by declaring, "People who suffer in this world will find happiness in the presence of God", the Church made the poor peasants feel better and work within the feudalism."

Delete "the" before "feudalism." Also, the comma should go inside the quotation marks.

"However, feudalism like many other economic systems came to an end with the revival of trade."

Insert a comma after "feudalism" and "systems."

"Christianity, while leading the social and economic life in many aspects, directed the lords, chivalries, and other eager feudal warriors to the lands of Muslim."

Either say "the lands of the Muslims" or "Muslim lands."

"By this way, the Church was planning to expand the christianity to muslims and also to capture the Holy lands."

Say either "In this way" or "By this method." Delete "the" before "Christianity," which you need to capitalize, along with "Muslims."

"Crusaders were on the scene of the Medieval Age."

"Crusaders played a prominent role in the Medieval Age" would sound more scholarly. :-)

"Crusades took place from the beginning of the 11th century."

"The" should be the first word in the sentence. I would also advise giving an ending date, or range of dates.

"The raids of the Crusades did not reach the targets of the Church, while it played an important role in the revival of the trade."

I think "did not accomplish the goals" would be more clear than "did not reach the targets." Also, I would change "while it" to "although they." And delete "the" in front of "trade."

"Furthermore, the Crusades provided an advantegeous position in the Mediterranean Sea for Christians against the Muslims, weakened the papacy, and lastly, the aristocrats, in other words, the land lords lost power because of the Crusades."

"Advantegeous" should be "advantageous." I would change "and lastly, the aristocrats, in other words, the land lords lost power because of the Crusades" to "and weakened the power of the aristocracy throughout Europe." I'm pretty sure the reader will be aware of the definition of "aristocracy." Also, it isn't necessary to mention the Crusades again; once is enough.

"Trade transformed the feudal society which is rural, into an urban civilization like the Roman Empire."

I would say "the rural feudal society." I try to avoid using "which is" as much as possible when I write.

"The new markets, and the new inventions such as plow increased the agricultural production."

Delete the comma. Insert "the" in front of "plow" and delete it from in front of "agricultural."

"The peasants searched for new lands, at the end, forests and also marshes transformed into agricultural lands."

How about: "In a search for new land, the peasants transformed even forests and marshes into agricultural properties."

"The peasants were in better conditions by the help of the trade and the urban life; consequentl, the population increased during this period."

I suggest: "Trade and urban life improved conditions for the peasants, and as a consequence, population increased during this period."

"Aristocrats freed their peasants, rent hem lands in order to gain money, because money was important again, and the lords were eager to take part in this new life style."

I'm not sure if my idea is historically accurate, but if it is, I would suggest: "Money, rather than barter, was now the coin of the realm. The lords were eager to participate in this new prosperity; they freed their peasants and rented them land for monetary payments."

"In line with these changes in the feudal life style, a new group of people appeared in the scene of Europe, merchants."

I would move the merchants to the middle of the sentence: ". . . a new group of people--merchants--became important on the European economic scene."

"The revival of trade and the revival of cities made the capital important, the importance of land decreased."

Begin the sentence: "As the revival . . .

"The changes during the 11th century, changed the structure of Europe."

Delete the comma. Also, I suggest not using "change" twice; maybe you could substitute "innovations" for the first one.

"If it these changes had not taken place, Europe probably would be a different society, maybe a society which is based on agriculture."

Again, I suggest deleting "which is." You don't need it in this case.

Your essay shows that you've done some in-depth research and have a good grasp of your subject. My time is up for now, but I would be glad to take a look at the rest of it tomorrow.

Meanwhile, best wishes to you!

Sarah, EssayForum.com


alikaThreads: 3
Posts: 6
Author: Alika Güvenç
   
Dec 20, 2006, 01:28pm   #3
thanks very much, your suggestions helped me a lot.


alikaThreads: 3
Posts: 6
Author: Alika Güvenç
   
Dec 20, 2006, 02:35pm   #4
Dec 20, 06 / 02:39pm - Attached on merging:
can you help

Here is the latest version of my essay, if you have time can you read it? If you don't have enough time, it is ok, by the way thanks again for your latest suggestions.

// The final version deleted by Moderator //


EF_Team2Threads: 1
Posts: 2,195
Author: Sarah, EssayForum.com
   
Dec 20, 2006, 11:00pm   #5
Greetings!

You've done some good revision on your essay! Let's take a look at the rest of it:

"The revival of trade changed the economic system of Europe completely, and in general, changes in the economic systems lead changes in the social and culturel lives of people."

Insert "to" in front of "changes." Also, "cultural" is misspelled.

"The Church, like the aristocrats, was very rich, by the help of the feudal system."

Change "by" to "with."

"After urbanization and the revival of the trade, the Church adopted a hostile attitude towards merchants and their demands for trading such as borrowing money, paying and requiring interests."

"Interest" should be singular. Also, you don't need "the" in front of "trade."

"Nevertheless, in time the Church accepted the merchants' demands and told that they are in line with Christianity."

How about: ". . . and decreed that their mercenary practices were acceptable behaviors for Christians."

"The 11th century was the birth of the Europe."

"Re-birth" might be more accurate. Also, just say "Europe", not "the Europe."

"People studied law, medicine, philosophy, theology in these universities."

When you have a list like this one, insert "and" before the last item.

"The desire to learn new things, the process of translating texts from antiquity and from the Muslim writings, learning about the ancient philosophers such as Aristotle and in addition studying the Muslim philosophers such as Ibn Sina, Gazali, Ibn Rusd culminated in Scholasticism."

I think you should add "They had" at the beginning of the sentence. I would also end the sentence with "such as Aristotle", then begin a new sentence with "In addition, studying . . . "

"A desire for knowledge growed in all around the Europe."

The correct form of the verb is "grew." (I know, "growed" makes sense, but English is full of tricks like this.) :-)

"In addition, the efforts to find a logical explanation for everyting feared the Church."

You need an "h" in "everything." (I'll bet that was a typo.) And here's another case of a tricky verb: it should be "frightened the Church." (You could also say "caused fear in the Church.")

"These thoughts, studying philosophers from antiquity, developing new logical systems were all against the Church ."

I would suggest: "These thoughts--studying philosophers from antiquity, developing new logical systems--were all against Church teachings."

"There were also innovations about literature during the 12th century."

Change "about" to "in."

"Love which was depicable before, took a significant part in this period."

Insert a comma after "Love." Did you mean "despicable"? I looked it up in the dictionary; it means "deserving to be despised; contemptible." That's fine if it's what you really mean to say, but it's a pretty harsh word. :-)

"All these changes resulted in the 12th Century Renaissance which altered the destiny of Europe."

Insert a comma after "Renaissance."

"But why do we call this period as the 12th Century Renaissance, is it really a renaissance?"

How about: "But was the 12th century really a period of renaissance?"

"According to me this period is the rebirth of Europe, before the innovations mentioned above, Europe was like a stagnant river."

I would either say, "I believe this period . . . " or leave out the reference to yourself. Also, I would change "is" to "was."

"New ideas, the eagerness for knowledge, inventions that facilitates production and life, learning about ancient thoughts, discovering that Christianity is not the only answer for questions and questioning life changed the countenance of Europe."

Change "facilitates" to "facilitated."

"Additionaly, with the 12th Century Renaissance, seven centuries after the collapse of the Roman Empire, people freed their mind, they discovered their personal potential, and many of them began to think and question."

"Additionally" needs another "l." Also, change "mind" to "minds."

"Lastly, for me, the 12th Century Renaissance played a very important role in the destiny of Europe, if it had not occurred, Europe would be a quite different civilization today."

This needs to be two sentences. I would end the first one after "the destiny of Europe." Then begin the final sentence "If it had not . . . "

You have an excellent English vocabulary, and your sentence structures are creative and interesting. Congratulations! You have written an illuminating essay that shows you have a good grasp of events, causes and effects. I think several of the things I pointed out were probably typos, and could be easily corrected with a spell-check. Keep up the good work--you are a fine writer!

Best wishes,

Sarah, EssayForum.com


alikaThreads: 3
Posts: 6
Author: Alika Güvenç
   
Dec 26, 2006, 12:25pm   #6
Hi, I am sorry that I could not thank you promptly. Thanks a lot, your suggestions helped me a lot and by the way I wish you a happy new year.


EF_TeamThreads: 44
Posts: 522
Author: Moderator, EssayForum.com
[Moderator] Likes 12  
Dec 26, 2006, 11:07pm   #7
No problem, Happy New Year!

EssayForum.com


trine_321Threads: 2
Posts: 8
   
Jan 13, 2007, 07:02am   #8
Hi, realize that it's probably a bit too late, but renaissance means "rebirth", not "new interest...". It basically means the same thing, just thought you might want to know the more accurate version.


EF_Team2Threads: 1
Posts: 2,195
Author: Sarah, EssayForum.com
   
Jan 13, 2007, 02:56pm   #9
Greetings!

You are correct that the literal meaning of the word "renaissance" is "rebirth." It comes from a French word meaning "to be born again." However, in describing what that term actually means when applied to history, saying that there was a "new interest" in art, literature and learning would certainly be accurate. It just depends whether you are talking about the origin of the word "renaissance" itself, or are explaining what kind of rebirth took place. :-)

Thanks!

Sarah, EssayForum.com




Essay Forum / Writing Feedback / Unanswered [this forum] / Featured / Similar

Similar discussions:


Random: IELTS: Water Cycle from the ocean to air and to the Earth surface


This thread has been closed.

Home - Search - About Us - Faq - EF Contributors - Contact Us

Copyright © 2006-2014 EssayForum.com  Disclaimer, Privacy Policy, TOS  EssayForum RSS