the following is my attempt:
Technology has become more and more important to human's life. Therefore, advance in technology has tremendous changes on today's world. This essay will discuss the effects of these changes, focusing on positive and negative impacts.
Even though this is a discuss question but you have to present your clear position in your introduction. Your last sentence is deemed as so-called template sentences, if possible, you should use your own words.
I will write my introduction like this:
With the developments of technology in recent decades, the discussion about its influences to people's life has become a controversy. While some start to believe advanced technologies poses several negative effects to the society, others claim that it has a plenty of merits which are indispensable.
(this is my position) 46
Technology impacts today's world positively by two main ways. First, it makes life more convenient and easier. With the help of technology, many works for example household chores can be done without human. An article of Buzzel.com states that time are saving thanks to the help of machines which could learn and complete task efficiently. Besides that, advanced technology can finish works which are dangerous for human like mining.
This paragraph is talking about the benefits of having technology developments? If so, your first idea is good. it makes life more convenient and easier. However, in my personal opinion, your supporting sentences (the three sentences after you 1st idea) are not appropriate here, in my understanding, your example may fit another topic better (the advantage and disadvantage of robot) Here, Buzzel.com is not good for support your example, probably better for you to cite the reference from those famous and well-known magazine or journals & article.
My attempt of this part is:
It is recognised that developed technological tools have a number of merits which play a significant role in every person's life. For communication, smart phones could shorten the distance among individuals, especially when they are living in different countries. In this way, parents would be able to map a video call more easily and quickly to reach their children who study overseas.
Second, technology causes several influences on human's entertainment. Before the appearance of technology, human's form of entertainment was poor, but today's world own an enormous source of entertain.
I didn't get you why you mention the negative influence here. It is supposed to give another idea about the benefits. Your next paragraph is your main body to deliver your position on negative influences of developed technologies. Therefore, your second idea is about the advantage of technology. I will write as this:
For education, the Internet offers numerous convenience for students who reside in those remote locations. They could study online with the access to a wide range of facilities such as library database and discussion board.
tram: Technology also has negative effects on world particularly human's health and communication. The first effect is health. (Repetition of ideas and words. You can just give a simple and clear topic sentence about you position=> they have negative effects, and your extend ideas are 1. health problem 2. confidentiality or security or safety issues. ) Since technology help people doing almost everything and provides wide range of entertainment, they become lazier and not likely to participate in outdoor activities.
(advantages? bit confused) Therefore, many health problems are caused by the impact of technology. For instances, obesity risk is increasing among children according to Children and Technology: Analysis and Recommendation. The second effect is communication. (Example is not very clear, obesity is good example when we are going to talk about diet habits, lifestyle, its ok to use here, but you have explain why there is possibility of having obesity when developed technologies significant changed our life.) It is ironic that people do not have many chances for face to face interaction. Moreover, according to Buzzel.com article, people prefer using communication technology than interact personally. (In IELTS essay writings, especially the Academic writings, I suggest you reduce your reference by citing articles from a website. You can use: reasons and consequences, explanations, contrast and comparison, examples)
However, many unpreventable impacts generated by the developments of scientific innovations. One drawback is that excessively using the cell phones is harmful for individuals' health well-being. This is because plenty of research has already proved that the radiation that a working mobile phone produces has the potential to cause the brain cancer and the cardiovascular diseases. Besides, applying the personal mobile on broad destructs the navigation system of an aircraft which lead to a severe air traffic accident. Moreover, with the advent of Internet, computer viruses are nightmare for almost every users. It threatens individuals' confidentiality and security such as private documents and the password of online banking, which further leads to a series of cybercrime in the society.