Dear friends, please give me some comments and advice on my writing practice. Thank you very much.
Question: The widespread use of the Internet has brought many problems. What do you think are the main probems associated with the use of the web? Whate solutions can you suggest?
Nowadays, surfing on the Internet has become the most favorable interest for modern people, because it provides us several advantages and leads to more convenient life. However, there are still many drawbacks behind it that are worth concerning, and the causes and possible solutions will be discussed below.
Firstly, people who are addicted spend too much time on the Internet. They prefer to stay at home and immerse in a virtual world, instead of going out to connect the real people. In the circumstance, their social abilities may degenerate as well as the relationship with others.
Secondly, the large amount of information on the web may include unhealthy and appropriated messages for children, such as pornographic pictures. By a smiple click, these can be easily accessed and cause unacceptable influence on them.
To solve these defects, some actions should be taken. One possible solution for Internet addicted people is to encourage them to go out through holding outdoor activities. If meetings or conferences about skills of playing games hosted by on-line games companies or related organization, the players can exchange reflections and interact to others. In this way, they gain the opportunities to connect with the real world.
As for avoiding unhealthy information, government should enact stricter laws and grade websites as movie rating. At the same time, system that can restrict children to access unsuitable information should be established. Consequently, the detrimental effect of Internet can be reduced.
To conclusion, although the problems of using the web would be influential, there are some methods can be executed and its benefits could be optimized.
I don't think "behind" is the right word to use here:
However, there are still many drawbacks behind associated with it that are worth consideration, concerning , and the causes ...
Firstly, people who are addicted spend too much time on the Internet. They prefer to stay...
Secondly, the large amount of information on the web may include unhealthy and ...---I think these 2 topics are important enough that you should give a few more sentences in the paragraph about each. So... make each of those paragraphs 4 or 5 sentences long. That will make it a full, meaningful discussion of each point.
In this situation, use a hyphen:
Internet-addicted
...and interact to with others.
:-)
