Dear All, I am not quite happy with my writing below, please give my your comments. Thank you so much.
As can be seen from the bar, there are more men be recruited than women in Australia within seven types of job which were studied during 2003.
Five out of seven job categories prefer men to be their employees. More men were managers than women with the proportion as 3 men against 1 woman. Men also dominated in semi professionals and laborers jobs. [...]
Hi Tran,
Kindly find my help below;
As (can be seen - TRY REPHRASING TO - "we can see") from the bar, there are more men be(BEING) recruited than women in Australia within seven types of job which were studied during 2003.
Five out of seven job categories prefer men to be their employees. More men were managers than women with the proportion as 3 men against 1 woman. Men also dominated in semi professionals and laborers jobs. The unbalance opportunities for women were even much(MORE) distinct regarding job in trade and production areas. The highest disproportion on gender can be found in figurers(FIGURES) of (sale persons - SALES PERSON). In 2003, approximately 900,000 men were hired whereas there were fewer than 200,000 places for women.
Only professional and clerical works save more opportunities for women. However, the unbalance distribution between male and female among these jobs was not a notable issue. Men and women shared professional jobs with a 680,000 places for women and about 640,000 for the opposite side. Also, clerical jobs accounted for 945,000 women and 885,000 men employed.
Tran, when writing an analysis, make use of numbers, this will help you bring your message across and adds professional feed to your article.
Be mindful of your words, spelling, grammar and proof read it before hitting that "send" button. CHEERS!!!
