BOMAT_IRA 29 / 40 Apr 11, 2014 #1The graphs show changes in one city spending patterns in 1966 (a) and 1966 (b) for seven things.Generally, the city has been the highest spending that caused by food in a graph (a) and by cars in a graph (b). Even though, the lowest spending factor in a graph (a) was by computers and in a graph (b) was by books.To begin with, food and cars were the highest spending in both of them. Food has number 44% of spending in 1996 (a), but declined dramatically until 14% in 1996 (b). However, spending on cars, it was rose sharply, from 23% until 45%.Moreover, some areas to show an upward trend, and others to show a downward trend, in 1966 (a) to 1966 (b). Spending on eating in outdoor had increase from 7% until 14%. For computers, it was increasing of 1% to 10%. All the same, spending on books to undergo a decline, from 6% to be 1%.
niesaysi 16 / 290 85 Apr 11, 2014 #3To begin with, food and cars were the highest spending in both of them.To begin with, both graphs show that food and cars were the highest spending among all.Even thoughOn the other hand , the lowest spending factor in a graph (a) was by computers and in a graph (b) was by books.Food has number 44% of spending in 1996 (a), but declined dramatically until 14% in 1996 (b).In the first illustration, food reached 44% of spending in 1996 but in the second one, it declined dramatically until 14% in the same year.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476 Apr 11, 2014 #4To begin with,This phrase is mostly used in writing task 2/ spoken language, not suitable use in report writing.Suggestion: omit or rewritefrom 23% until 45%.From ... tofrom 6% to be 1%some areas to show an upward trendsubject-verb agreementshere is a link that brings you more closer to good samples for writing task 1:ielts.org/test_takers_information/test_sample/academic_writing_sa mple.aspx
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553 Apr 12, 2014 #5To begin with, food and cars were the highest spending in both of them. Food has number 44% of spending in 1996 (a), but declined dramatically until 14% in 1996 (b). However, spending on cars, it was rose sharply, from 23% until 45%.Don't have (a)s and (b)s. Present everything in a flow and adopt a reporting tone for your writing. You should avoid phrases like "To begin with". This task is aimed at assessing your report writing skills and therefore your style should be more formal and you need to present facts in a logical and concise manner.Follow dum's suggested approach to re-do this task. Once you finish post it here for us to give you more feedbacks :)
SHanafi 120 / 415 93 Apr 12, 2014 #6Don't have (a)s and (b)sI am with Pahan. As far as I know this is rarely occurred in the reporting essay.some areas to show an upward trend, and others to show a downward trend, in 1966 (a) to 1966 (b) this is UN-needed to write this twice, while both graph note same yearSpending on eating in outdoor had increase from 7% until 14%. For computers, it was increasing of 1% to 10%. All the same, spending on books to undergo a decline, from 6% to be 1%.....let me try., Different movement occurred at the several trend. While the proportion of citizen spending on outdoor eating and playing computer rose sharply, inhabitants expenditure for buying books declined one-fifth percent than that of recent measurement.
