Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 8


IELTS TASK 1 - Bar and Line Charts! Tourists Of Japan Travelling Abroad!


JasS 10 / 30  
Mar 12, 2014   #1
The graphs compare the proportion of Japanese who travelled the oversea and allotment of Australia in tourist market of Japan during a period of 10 years, from 1995 to 1995.

Overall, while the number of tourists experienced a dramatic increase throughout the period, the percentage of people who visited Australia also climbed slightly over the 10 years as well.

In 1985, the number of Japanese who travelled abroad were less than 5 million. However, there had been a noticeable rise to more than 10 million in the proportion of Japanese tourists by 1990. Likewise, after travelers saw a bit decline, the number of travelers started to go on and reached a peak of more than 15 million at the end of the period.

Regarding the percentage of people who visited Australia increase rapidly from just 2% in 1985 to approximately 5% in 1989. Nonetheless, the figure dropped to almost 4% during a year, and it had jumped to 6% by 1995. (161)



shaheer 1 / 3  
Mar 12, 2014   #2
Regarding the percentage of people who visited Australia increase rapidly from just 2% in 1985 to approximately 5% in 1989. Nonetheless, the figure dropped to almost 4% during a year, and it had jumped to 6% by 1995. (161)

to continue:
There has been a blend of highs and downs in the figure, but the last year once again sees a decline in the figure.
MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Mar 12, 2014   #3
from 1995 to 1995.

from 1985 to 1995 :)

more than 10 million in the proportion of Japanese tourists by 1990

This is the number, not the proportion.

after travelers saw a bit decline, the number of travelers started to go on and reached a peak of more than 15 million at the end of the period.

after a slight decline, traveler numbers continued to rise and reached a peak of more than 15 million at the end of the period.

Regarding the percentage of people who visited Australia increaseincreased rapidly from just 2% in 1985 to approximately 5% in 1989

during a year

one year later

and it had jumped to 6% by 1995

The figure dropped to 4% one year later before recovering to hit around 6% in 1995.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Mar 12, 2014   #4
In 1985, the number of Japanese who travelled abroad were less than 5 million.

Well it looks like they were 5 million. Try to be always on the safe side;
In 1985, the number of Japanese who travelled abroad were less than 6 million

However, there had been a noticeable rise to more than 10 million in the proportion of Japanese tourists by 1990.

However, a very significant rise in Japanese tourists, on year and year, can be noted until 1990.

You write very well and follow a very good structure for this task. :)
OP JasS 10 / 30  
Mar 12, 2014   #5
Thank you very much! I'll rewrite it!
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Mar 12, 2014   #6
Likewise, after travelers saw a bit decline, the number of travelers started to go on and reached a peak of more than 15 million at the end of the period.

Although there had been a slight decline in 1991, a progressive growth can be observed in the trend of Japanese travelling abroad from the year 1991 to 1995, the year which recorded all time high figure of 15 million Japanese travelers.

You write very well and follow a very good structure for this task. :)

I quite agree :) Very neat and well organized essay. You are quite ready to take up this task. :)
OP JasS 10 / 30  
Mar 13, 2014   #7
Dumi, Thank you! I want to be master at Task 1, so I think I'm not ready))))))
OP JasS 10 / 30  
Mar 13, 2014   #8
oh! I'm glad to hear about that! Thanks again) Please, check my other essays!


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 - Bar and Line Charts! Tourists Of Japan Travelling Abroad!
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳