IELTS Task 1 : Australian weather broadcasting process

Hellow Friend ...:DD
As my effort to conquer time, I wrote this essay for 18 minutes. Then, I have problem to find proper vocabularies while time pressure me. Please help me not only for task responsive, lexical resource, coherence-cohesion and grammatical range-and-accuracy but also please give me proper vocabularies to alter some clauses of my writing. Thank you ...

=============
The diagram shows a process of weather broadcaster which is broadcasted by the Australian Bureau of Meteorology

Overall, the given three sources are collected to broadcast in three types of media.

Turning to the details, the information comes from the space and the ocean are caught by satellite and drifting buoy while radar is provided to get the source in the ground. After that, the incoming information analyzed photos, screen and synoptic chart in order to prepare for the next process. Radar in the ground transfers the data into radar screen and synoptic chart, although satellite photos is available to forecast information coming from satellite, those of source come to a computer of Meteorology Bureau and ready to prepare.

A closer, the preparation of broadcast program combines those sources and then broadcast in term of kinds media. Radio broadcast the information by audio through the line, then recorded announcement tends to sound repetitively also prepared. Therefore, the information comes to television redaction to deliver visually in the news reader.

Interestingly, while the sources and the outcomes of information come from several part, the Australian Bureau of Meteorology uses one computer to prepare all of information come and fro in order to inform inhabitants about weather conditions.

• 
  
  

Haloooooooo friend...


In my personal point of view, it is good and clear enough to be an intro :-)

However, try to avoid same word ...broadcaster....is broadcasted.. in one sentence. make it more variatif by using thesaurus


there are too many conjuntion "and"

The diagram shows the processing of information about weather condition conducted by the Australian Bureau of Meteorology.

Overall, the process includes 4 steps in terms of incoming information, analysis and forecasting, preparing the broadcast and broadcast to the citizen

The way to collect weather information is varied markedly, while satellite is responsible to catch the outerspace disturbance, radar and drifting buoy reckoned the weather situation on the earth.

Meanwhile, each of information agent has to alter their information to the two dimention reporting in order to analyze the weather condition. Satellite photos depicts information from the satellite. Although radar screen receive the radar information, synoptic chart is ready to portray from drifting buoy and alongside information from two other counterpart source.

However, all the information are collected on a central computer system then it is prepare to broadcast. Purposing to range dweller in all of condition, the government announce the weather condition through three mode of broadcasting. Forming information by sound, radio and recorded announcement is prepared, whereas the news anchor on the television announce the news with virtual ways.

• 
  
  

weather forecast


Bad phrases.
Try this: Collecting and providing a detailed analysis of the information,


Bad phrases.
Try this: prepare/ing for presentation and then broadcast/ing to the public


weather bureau or weather station

Study sample answer as to how your vocabularies could be improved

The diagram shows a process of weather broadcasterbroadcastingwhich is broadcasted by the Australian Bureau of Meteorology


Overall, the process of broadcasting comprises of three main stages. ... simply say what is the most obvious trend or observation.


... avoid this approach from your essays written for this task