Some people think that talent can givegives many advantages. However others consider that discipline is more important.
State your opinion in the introduction itself. That helps you take your examiner in your desired direction.
To my mind, talented people have more benefits than ordinaryaverage people.
... this is a comparison and therefore average makes better sense. Good sentence!
You need to provide specific examples for your reasoning in the body paras. For example, you can talk about a famous singer with his or her inborn talents and show the reader that he/she wouldn't have been reached such heights without talents.
You write well. Pay attention to the essay structure.