Joeyson: Alexie was smart though and the Indians who weren't, ridiculed him. Those who failed were accepted, Those who excelled weren't. But Alexie loved to read. He read everything he possibly could, even if they weren't books. Alexie visits schools to teach creative writing to Indian kids. Most of the children read his books and write their own. They want to learn and succeed, but there are some of the children who have already given up hope on themselves and sit in the back of the classrooms and don't care anything for reading and writing. In the Superman comic book Alexie first learns to read , Superman breaks down a door, This is what Alexie is trying to do with the kids who have already quit. He is trying to break down their locked doors and really get the children reading and writing.
I really like what you are doing with this, but this part right here just about killed me. Gave me a concussion from the sudden shift in time and place. When you change stuff like that, you have to warn the reader.
Be careful with your run-on sentences, capitals where there shouldn't be any, etc. It's like a busy main street with tall billboards and no stop lights--not a good conbination.
Think about each paragraph as a separate piece of the whole paper, like a puzzle. They all have to fit together to make a picture. You have a compelling picture to show, one in which people would be interested. Take your time. Go slowly. Find out where the connections are.
You're doing fine, just slow down, think it through, and make everything connect naturaly and smoothly.
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