Toefl: Students working while studying? More disadvantages than advantages

I need your help, please help.
In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.

At first glance, it seems slightly difficult to draw a definite conclusion whether it is better for teenagers to work while they are student, or not. However, after some considerations we can see that for an adoulescent, working while studying will do more harm than good. First, teenagers can better focus on their education when they are not forced to work. Second, they have the right to have fun and enjoy themselves before they become an adult.

The main reason for my propensity for letting teenagers to be free while they are studying is that they could concentrate on their education. From my vantage point, the number one priority of each person in adolescence is to study hard. This is the time in which he or she has to gain knowledge and competence as much as possible in order to be enough qualified to apply for a decent job. However, if they are forced to work out as they are getting education, they will not have enough time to take and dedicate for education.

Second, teenagers have the right to enjoy themselves. They should have a lot of leisure time to spend with their friends, read their desirable books, and play games. In addition, they have the right to take their time follow their interests. To shed light on the issue, I would like to draw your attention to my situation when I was studying in high school. I have been always interested in astronomy. I had to work a lot since my family was indigent. Consequently, I had no free time to spend getting information about astronomy. At the time being, I am still responsible for my family. I have to work a lot. I don't think I will have any chance to follow my interest. If I had not to work hard in adolescent, I knew a lot about astronomy now.

In conclusion, in spite of the undeniable fact that working while studying has some advantages to some extent such as, earning money and saving it for future, and getting a lot of work experiences, when all the factors are contemplated together, we see that the disadvantages carry more weight than advantages. Eventually, we may safely come to the conclusion that it is better to focus on education for a teenager and not to work.

Certainly dumi is right you need to support your arguments with real life examples. You can write short parapgraphs but there should be enough evidence to convince the reader.