Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 6


The 21st century; world always changes - technology, transportation, and humankind


kukuh 4 / 6  
Mar 27, 2014   #1
This world always change and and it forces people to follow that change. In 21st century, there are many different things compared to the previous era such as technology, transortation, and people.

Firstly, in the past, people only had a little technology. However, nowadays, technology is growing fast. For example, today, there are many kinds of television. You can find television with 3 dimensions. It is obvious that technology in 21st century is better than handred years ago. There are many new technologies like cell phone, internet, and robot and they are really help us. Therefore, technology gives many benefits for many people in 21st century.

Next, as we know, people in this earth need transportation for helping their activities. Now, there are many kind of transportation that are around us. For example, in my hometown, people can go wherever they want easily because many transportation are available and it is cheap. This example shows that transportation is developing rapidly in 21st century. Moreover, we can find car with high speed and plane which can fill many people. So, I think transportation is one of things that useful for many people in nowadays era.

The last is humankind. It is different between people in the past and people in the present. For example, several years ago, many people on this planet had low education, but, today, almost all people have had good education. It shows that human beings are always changing. Furthermore, The differences of people can also be seen through style of fashion and style of hair. Thus, it causes characteristic of people different too.

In short, the world always changes especially technology, transportation, and humankind.
tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Mar 27, 2014   #2
You have to attach your prompt completely.

This world always changes and and it forces people to follow instantlythat change . In 21st century, there are many different things compared to the previous era such as technology, transortation transportation, and people.

Firstly, in the past, people only had a little low technology. However, nowadays, technology is growing fast faster. For example, today, there are many kinds of television. You can find television with 3 dimensions. It is obvious that technology in 21st century is better than handred hundred years ago. There are many new technologies like cell phone, internet, and robot, and they are really help us. Therefore, technology gives many benefits for many people in 21st century.

Next, as we know, people in this earth need transportation for helping their activities. Now, there are many kind mean of transportations that are around us. For example, in my hometown, people can go wherever they want easily because many transportation public transports are available and it is they are cheap. This example shows that transportation is developing rapidly in 21st century. Moreover, we can find car with high speed and plane which can fill pick up many people passengers. So, I think transportation is one of things that useful for many people in nowadays era.

find in your dictionary what is the different between transportation and transport. :)

The last is humankind . It is different between people in the past and people in the present. For example, several years ago, many people on this planet had low education, but, today, almost all people have had good education. It shows that human beings are always changing. Furthermore, The differences of people can also be seen through style of fashion and style of hair. Thus, it causes characteristic of people different too.

Based on oxford thesaurus
humankind : all people considered together as one group. (the third body)
people: more than one person, person in general. (introductory)

don't use vocab which has different meaning.

transortation

handred

(misspelling)

overall, i like your content. keep writing...!
idok 1 / 2  
Mar 27, 2014   #3
people can go wherever they want easily

there is no "to" = want to
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Mar 30, 2014   #4
What is the purpose of this writing? Is it for IELTS or TOEFL ? It is always good to include the purpose (e.g. IELTS, TOEFL) in the title itself so that others could give you more task related feedbacks. Also, make sure you include the essay prompt in all your essays for us to get a better understanding about what it asks and align our feedbacks more with your prompt. :)
SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Mar 30, 2014   #5
Hellow friend

As a beginner reader, I feel stuck when reading it sentence by sentence. Many "pull stop punctuation" make your idea does not flow smoothy. Also, please aware about commas using. Here I suggest you a link grammarly..../handbook/punctuation/comma/20/unnecessary-comma-in- a-complex-sentence/

Overall, I like your idea. cheers :D
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Apr 3, 2014   #6
Well, if you have a question that you don't like at all, then you can write with a 5-paragraph essay. You write one introduction, three bodies, and one conclusion. This can help you write more words, but some students, that I see, put grandiose ideas, by writing too many words.

Look at what Dumi suggests you with the structure (a 4-paragraph essay). With this structure, you are easy to develop your paragraph properly, one content paragraph for, and one againts. This is good for coherence and cohesion between the sentence-to-paragraph-to-essay construction, and for which in the five-paragraph structure this is weak.


Home / Writing Feedback / The 21st century; world always changes - technology, transportation, and humankind
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳