Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4


Sports professionals Vs Other important Professionals; Who should earn more?


Mahdavian 1 / 1  
Mar 30, 2013   #1
Dear relevant,

I was wondering if you could correct my assay with following topic

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuses both these views and give your opinion.

Best Regards,
Mahdavian

It goes without saying, over long years, rewarding has been used as a powerful tool for arousing individual in variety jobs and professions. Meanwhile, averagely, the sport professionals earn noticeable money which is great more than other professionals in other fields. In so doing, one argument put forward is whether that is faire or not? I must say that is unfair. I support my idea through three points. Definition of fair, society developing and balance, and unsubstantial and epidemic willing to be a sport professional.

First of all, on my reckoning, all professionals in different categories should be encouraged in a justified manner. Inconvertibly, justified behavior brings more motivation and satisfaction among individuals. So, that is important to define the justified manner. Awarding has to be according to people's performance and the value of their results, that is, when two individuals or two groups are comparing with each other, the amount of division of outputs to inputs for both individuals or group has to be identical which inputs are the efforts and the value of the results and output is the amount of rewards.

Secondly, the progressing of a country depends on considering all different dimensions of society like research, industry, agriculture as well as sport. Extra attention toward a special sector leads a decline and dissatisfaction in other sectors. Subsequently, advent of leeway in country would come up. Developed countries try to allocate their annual budget to all sectors in a moderate way.

The last but not least, the more attention toward a particular field the more nominees who choose that filed without considering their talents and interests. Therefore, after a while it would be seen an epidemic but unsubstantial willing among the whole country toward a special groups like sport groups. According to statistics, inasmuch as persuading each other, nearly 40 percent of people are not sour about their selected way. The results would be waste of money and time and most of the time depressing for them.

In conclusion, on my opinion, although, compensating like giving money is a prominent mechanism for gratuity, it has to be related to people's performance and the value of the results and their efforts. It cases satisfaction of people who belong to different groups and developing all sectors and dimensions of country which makes a more sustainable balance in entire society.

Written by mahdavian
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Mar 30, 2013   #2
Hi Mahdavian,
First of all, as per the forum rules you need to provide a meaningful title for your essay. Also, this type of posts you need to post under "Writing Feedback" category. Please follow these rules with your next post!

It goes without saying, over long years, rewarding has been used as a powerful tool for arousing individual invarietyvarious jobs and professions.

..."variety of jobs" or "various jobs"

Meanwhile,averagely, the sport professionals earn noticeable money which is great more than other professionals in other fields.

.... you tend to complicate this simple idea with too many words giving a bit crowded look to your sentence. What you should be more concerned about it clarity and presentation of the sentence;

The earnings of popular sports professionals are much greater than many professionals in other important fields.

Inso doing this scenario , one argument put forward is whether that is faire or not?
Dr Cool 2 / 15 3  
Mar 30, 2013   #3
In addition to Dumi's comments above, I would like to point out one additional point I noticed in your essay, Mahdavian.
You have this line, "Meanwhile, averagely, the sport professionals earn noticeable money which is great more than other professionals in other fields. " in which you compare the AVERAGE sports professionals who are very wealthy to the AVERAGE workers in other fields.

This is a glaring logical fallacy. the average sports professionals in any country are the local club players, college coaches, etc. These are not the people you see making millions of Dollars/Rupees/etc. Basically in your essay you are comparing the salaries of the average engineer/nurse/etc. to the absolute top .01% of sports players whose matches are broadcast on tv to millions of people and thus they are able to make so much money. You should address somewhere in your essay the real average sports players' salaries compared to these best-of-the-best sports players who you say are too high.
OP Mahdavian 1 / 1  
Apr 8, 2013   #4
Thanks a million for your help


Home / Writing Feedback / Sports professionals Vs Other important Professionals; Who should earn more?
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳