Some sportsmen earn more money than other professionals; 'specialist of sphere'

Successful sports professionals earn a great deal more money than people in other more important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think that it is unfair.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Nowadays, sports have become very good source of earning money. As a result, some professional sportsmen can earn much more than people who work in other important professionals like doctors and teachers. However, there are many concerns whether it is justified or not. Personally, I think it is fair that sportsmen earn more money and I have some reasons for it.

To begin with, it is irrefutable fact that sport is business and most of the profits of sportsmen are from non-governmental organizations and advertisement. Moreover, the governmental salaries of people, who work in the spheres of sports and entertainment don't differ from the salaries of doctors and teachers largely. For example, most of the renowned football players get a lot of money from advertisements of some products.

Further and even more importantly, not every football player, runner or other sportsmen can earn decorous amount of money, because there are millions of sportsmen who get almost the same salary with simple doctors and teachers. In this sense, only talented and hard working professionals can become rich and achieve fame. For example, there are a lot of football players in our region who are not well-known and have lower salaries than doctors and specialists of other spheres.

However, one must note that the top ten list of wealthiest people of the world doesn't have any sportsmen. In this sense, these successful sportsmen are not as rich as they seem.

The aforementioned evidences examine that the specialists of any sphere, including sports, can achieve fame and have high income if they are gifted, hard-working and determined.

I think you can also add Professionals such as doctors have guaranteed job after they get their PhD and/or MD. While on the other hand, sportsmen have to show their best performance in order to earn income.

Yes, you are right! Thank you)

Developing the classical five paragraph essay or more will send you to earn a very impressive result, but this should be followed by a succinct explanation, coherent sentences, grammar error-free, colloquial usage, etc. Otherwise, you may get an average score.

With a 4-paragraph essay, you are easy to develop your paragraph properly, one content paragraph for the first view, and one for the second view. This is good for coherence and cohesion between the sentence-to-paragraph-to-essay construction.

Thank you very much!
Could you make some corrections on particular parts of the essay???

Personally, I think it is fair that sportsmen earn more money and I have somedue to several reasons for it.

To begin with, it is an irrefutable fact that sport is a business and most of the profits of sportsmen aredo come from non-governmental organizations and advertisements.


.... hmmmmm... smart point.... however, such people do not belong to the category of sportsmen.

Yes, I will discuss the Interpretation of the prompt (Read: Task Response)

Having a look at the prompt again, you can see some key words: "Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair." You have written an essay dealing with this issue. However, you just focus on the justification for these higher salaries, not the fairness of these salaries. These two ideas are totally different. The ideas of non-governmental organizations and advertisement are really quite unrelated to the ideas of the unfairness. Fairness, meaning the quality of being fair, involves a comparison with others to see whether (or not) there is some kind of balance. The prompt are asking you that, "others think this is unfair". Which 'others'? What unfairness? You did not touch on these questions. For the topic of this essay, 'others' are the people in other important professions, such as doctors, lawyers, engineers etc. I see you are well done. However, you fail to take the comparison between educated (brain developed) people and those are highly developed in physical skills.

Hope this helps :D

Thank you Pahan and eddies! You have been always very helpful. What can you say about coherence?

Nowadays, sports have become a very good source of earning money. As a result, some professional sportsmen can earn much more than people who work in other important professionalsprofessions like doctors and teachers. However, there are many concerns whether it is justifiedregarding whether it is fair or not. Personally, I think it is fair that sportsmen earn more money and I have some reasons for it.due to several reasons.

Very good introduction. You follow the right structure :)


Well, I think you've done a good job :) Keep it up!

Thank you very much! You all have helped me very greatly! I am grateful that there are people like you))