IELTS, Society will produce happy people if there's little gap between rich and the poor

Essay topic: Most people believe that a society will produce more happy people if there is little difference between earnings of the poor and rich member of society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Question of where happiness are generated from in the modern society is hard to give a comprehensive answer. Some people think that if huge gap of income between wealthy and poor people is reduced, a whole community will be cheerful. However, i somewhat agree with this viewpoint that narrow gap of income difference would lead to happy people.

To begin with, justice makes people feel happy and fair in the community. if people are treated equally no depending on which social group they come from, how wealthy they are, they feel satisfied and relaxed with their living community. For example, in job interview, candidates feel good if evaluation process focus on the what knowledge, skills and practice they acquire rather which clothes they wear. Otherwise, people, particularly youth, tend to lose their hope for future and feel desperate with their life.

Furthermore, acquisition of education is the best way to create a happy society and get rid of a huge difference of income among individuals. It is a fact that high level of education lead to high income. When poor people are encouraged to gain vocational education to find a job, poverty rate will be decreased and thus the there will be no anger about earning gap among people.

Nevertheless, it is true that the most influential factor that makes people feel dissatisfied within the community is the widening gap of income of advantaged and disadvantaged individuals. In the urban city, while some people are earning less than a dollar in the outskirts district and living under impoverished line, other are paid high by big corporations and staying in the penthouse. For example, my younger brother asks when their parents will become rich from parents, that have a serious impact on family relations and lead to disappointment at home.

In the conclusion, i am strongly convinced that there are other better approach for leading happy society by education people and treating equally. Therefore, the income of poor will increase and thus community will become more relaxed.

... happiness is generated
I find the above sentence has issues with its presentation. This is what I suggest;
How a society can make people happy is a quite difficult question to answer.


Some people view that it can be achieved by narrowing down the gap between the rich and the poor in a society.
However,iIsomewhat agree with this viewpoint that narrow gap of income difference would lead to happy people.to a great extent.

Thank u Dumi

Well, it is not clear that how maintaining the justice would help reduce the gap between rich people and the poor. You need to give some reason that well justifies your opinion and therefore that reason must be very relevant to the topic. You've got to maintain a better alignment between your writing and what your prompt requires.


Your prompt does not ask how this gap can be reduced. I feel you have gone off track in this essay.