Nowadays we live in a very fast developing world .I believe that countries in order to develop should not isolate from the world but instead engage with other countries. I feel this way because countries which are engaged with others strengthen their economy, increase popularity of the tourism and share knowledge and technology with other countries.
To begin with, countries which are partners develop faster compared to the isolated countries .First of all, to develop faster countries must increase money in its treasury. This can be made by trading with partner countries , especially trading expensive and necessary products such as petroleum , diamonds, gold and other precious materials .Also increase in the economic stability can be made by investments into the country's business by foreign entrepreneurs .For example , investments in the building factories, mining industry , department stores and food products.
Also ,engaging with other countries causes increase in number of tourists. Tourists will learn new things from the foreigners and explore their traditions and rites. This causes both cultural involvement between countries and causes friendship to become stronger .For example , laws that allow visitors to enter the country without the visa and to stay there for a long period of time will be very comfortable for tourists.
Another reason I think this way is that involvement between countries promotes sharing of knowledge because knowledge was valuable in all eras. Countries can share their technologies , share their university basis and can exchange students between each other. This is very crucial because exchange students , technologies are important in order to make the nation more intelligent. From my personal experience , I have a lot of friends who are studying currently in USA , South Korea ,Singapore and they all will come back and develop my country in the future.
To conclude, I think that countries should never isolate because it will not make the country stronger in all aspects but instead make the country more vulnerable.
In first paragraph, 'to begin with' and then 'First of all' are not seemed appropriate.
in second paragraph, don't start new para with 'Also'. It gives indication that you are continuing the point which was already made in 1st para.
Try to write like,
First, trading and business.
Second,...tourism
Third, increase knowledge.
You will score more if points made in essay are clear to the reader.
Points are good, Just try to write them in proper structure.
Nowadays we live in a very fast developing world .
Well... not every country is subject to fast development. So I don't see much rationale in this sentence.
Nowadays we live in a very fast developing world .I believe that countries in order to develop should not isolate from the world but instead engage with other countries. I feel this way because countries which are engaged with others strengthen their economy, increase popularity of the tourism and share knowledge and technology with other countries.
.... you have stated your opinion before introducing the background of the issue which is not appropriate. The background should be introduced to the reader before you express your opinion about it. It is always good to conclude the introduction with your opinion.
To begin with, countries which are partners develop faster compared to the isolated countries .
...Need improvement in presentation;
To begin with, the countries that receive both financial and non-financial aids from their friendly nations show a faster growth in terms of economic and social development in contrast to the ones that exist in isolation.. This can be made by trading with partner countries , especially trading expensive and necessary products such as petroleum , diamonds, gold and other precious materials .Also increase in the economic stability can be made by investments into the country's business by foreign entrepreneurs
You actually do not have to drill into details. Now you can give an example to support that argument - Pick two countries - on that grew faster with others' support and another that is not yet deveolped and in isolation.
