Hi,dear all,please help to correct this essay,i would appreciate if you point out all the mistakes without mercy! thanks!
ps:I'm very fresh to EF,if there is any violation of rules,pls guide me~
Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.
There is an argument that children should hold a sense of competition or obtain the ability of cooperation. The both qualities above, in my view, play equally important roles in children's grow up.
It is obvious that a positive sense of competition will encourage children to strive what they want in a proper way. The reality is cruel, at which background, chances are few while there are too many competitors fight for them. So children should learn how to compete fairly with their peers. When they win, they get confidence to challenge more. When they fail, they gather the precious experience and never give up. Competition stimulates children's motivation to prove themselves and do better. And more, they are able to face the society which is full if fierce and challenging competitions.
When it comes to cooperation, this is one kind of spirit what every child should be equipped with. There are two explanation for this. First, a person who knows how to co-operate with others is at least useful to his team. That's why in a harmony society, people are union and in a prosperous company, staffs are focus on teamwork. It is a basic standard for children to reach up. Second, learning how to co-operate with others is a good way to train children to be generous and self-control, There is no doubt that they will become useful adults with golden characters.
The sense of competition and the spirit of cooperation, I believe are equally essential to children. During their grow up , children should be guided in a right way to compete for what they want and cooperate with their partners. This is the most effective way to educate them comprehensively and meaningfully.
Total 283 words
You need to improve on grammar and organization of thoughts...
TheB oth qualities above in my view, play equally important roles in a child's growth .
The reality is cruel, at which background , chances are few while there are too many competitors fight for them
I don't understand the purpose of this phrase
When they win, they get confidence to challenge more. When they fail, they gather the precious experience and never give up
Success gives them more confidence to crave for more challenges, while failure teaches them inspiring lessons and experiences.those were some of the errors I was reffering to...
hope this helps...
