IELTS; schools as oppose to parents; different forms of violence

IELTS writing task 2
topic: some people think that parents should teach children how to be good member of the society. others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. discuss both views and give your own opinion

At the present time, it can be clearly seen that the society suffers tremendously form different forms of violence due to dramatically increasing number of hard-headed people. Some people assert that schools must take full responsibility on child's behavior, whilst others, including me, believe that parents should take over.

It is undeniable that children are highly influenced by their parents mainly because they spend most of their time together. For instance, a female toddler would mimic her mother's actions such as wearing a lipstick and some would try to imitate their words. At this crucial young age, adults must be cautious with their actions because children are keen observers and might learn things that should not be known such as saying bad words. What's more, parents have a direct authority over their children, hence, should be the primary to teach good manners, how respect others and accept differences.

Nevertheless, school is another influential environment for children. Education gives students different kinds of practical exposure and opens their mind to what really life is. School teaches students how to overcome every obstacle in life and how to excel not just academically but also socially. For instance, some students have family problems and schools give guidance and counseling on how to respond into the situation, to respect still the parents and give motivation to continue with their life. What's more, the school provides a training ground of what children have learned from their respective families and from the four-corners of the classroom.

To conclude, although the school has a great impact to the success of a child's life, the parents still must have the full responsibility in the child's behavior.

This is good. However, you should state your opinion for this part. Also, a hook can be attached as well.
Have a look at the prompt:


Let me give a try for the into:
Children are tomorrow assets to family and nation. They are needed to teach in better ways. Some people think parents have legal authority to educate children to be successful in life and a well-functioning Society. Some others believe children should be sent to school to learn such way. Both views have their own merits and demerits. However, I would argue that parents should help children grow into responsible life.


Write 'four corners.' Omit hyphen.


This item is highly common.
Use these less common lexical items:
The aforementioned evidence examines that ...
Given this evidence, it can be seen that ...

Hope this helps :D

Include the purpose (e.g. IELTS) in the title itself (In the Subject field when you open a new thread) so that you can earn more meaningful feedbacks. I included it for this essay :D

thanks so much
i just have a hard time thinking of a hook! :( how can i improve in this area?

No Worries, Perfect practice makes Perfect result :D

A new essayist, like me, who learns IELTS, spend hours thinking of some "perfect" sentences to be a hook.
I rarely write the hook sentence first, but last. Yeah, seriously though
After writing my essay, I always go reading the whole essay, up and down.
Then, start creating a hook sentence, which is short, but interesting.

Well, if you struggle so much for finding a most appropriate hook, don't trouble yourself. What you can do is start with background part which is the most important of part in the introduction and that also helps you earn good marks :)


Very good idea :)
You write very well, I think you can go for a good band. Do more practicing to gain confidence and manage tiem effectively.