What is the essay prompt?
some researches genetic factors can indicate human personality and predict their future lifestyle. These researches believe every environment factors can not have
an effective influence, moreover, everybody will comeback to main genetic personality after a little time and
experience in his
or her life.
They investigate a lot of samples in a
period of time.Some
find that they
could have changed some samples with a little consulting. Moreover,
they carried out
a lot use another word, never use a lot, much, many or really when writing
of changing with accurate studding all of experiences that samples had had in their life.
In my view, genetic factors are
important but if we notice to influence of any event that may happen in our life we can develop our personality effective. Although some happen related to society events but if we think about them accurately we will find that we should have or could have been better.
this paragraph does really make sense, the sentences seem awkward, like they are missing a word or something
although we can ignore the effect of genetic factors, human personality
experiences so if we don't notice to all of them we can not know them completely.I dont know what your trying to say in this last paragraph
dont have your last paragraph end in "in conclusion" especially for a college essay..it just sounds cliche
you need to really go back and just edit and fix the common errors and make sure your sentences are coherent. Good job though