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Renewable sources of energy (sun, water, wind) will soon replace fossil fuels


Gabriella 2 / 3  
Feb 15, 2014   #1
What score do you think I will get(TOEFL) writing? Also I want your opinion about my writing. Thanks^^

These days, one of the most important problems throughout the global is an environment-related problem, due to fossil fuels polluting air, water and for causing global warming. These lead to many countries like America, trying to develop sustainable energy resources. But, would these fossil fuels can be replaced by energy which can be used again? In my view, I hold with the notion that renewable sources would replace the energy used these days.

First, renewable energy like water, wind, and solar energy is nature friendly. So, replacing fossil fuels with these energy can solve the problem, global warming which occurred by charcoal, petroleum, and gas destroying the ozone layer. To illustrate, when we ride buses, there are many buses using renewable sources. And the numbers of these buses are increasing as the time passes. Also, according to the research done by three colleges in America says buses and other transportation are using these energy sources starting from early 2000, and the number is growing, so over 10 millions buses and other transportation is using these sources these days.

Second, literally, renewable energy could be used again, unlike nonrenewable a resource which is limited. So, sooner or later, we would be run out of nonrenewable resources but, we would be in need of more energy than before. To give you an example like those times Korea undergone a crisis about having a shortage of gas. People desperately needed it to do all kinds of things. When we used of all fossil fuels, this kinds of incidents would happen every day. But, when we look at renewable energy, we can get it from nature whenever we want and also, it is not limited. As a way for getting this energy, it will cost a lot of money, but soon, we will earn more energy than its costs. For instance, a town in Germany has a very clean air due to almost all the people in that town using solar energy they got from sun.

I have come to the conclusion that soon, nonrenewable resources would be replaced by renewable energy for two reasons. First, they do not pollute the air and are no harm to nature. Second, consecutive resources can be produced again and again. I hope renewable resources could be more developed so it would not destroy the nature.
MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Feb 15, 2014   #2
You should include the full prompt to receive more meaningful comments on your essay.

one of the most important problems is an environment-related problem, due to fossil fuels polluting air, water and for causing global warming.

One of the most serious problems in the world is environmental pollution, of which fossil fuels are one of the leading causes.

These lead to many countries like America, trying to develop sustainable energy resources.

This has led many countries to develop sustainable energy resources.

But, would these fossil fuels can be replaced by energy which can be used again? In my view, I hold with the notion that renewable sources would replace the energy used these days.

I feel that the question here is not necessary.
In my opinion, shifting to renewable sources of energy is an effective solution to environmental issues.

So,

Therefore,

global warming which occurred by charcoal, petroleum, and gas destroying the ozone layer.

Emissions from burning charcoal or petroleum are known to have a devastating effect on the ozone layer

according to the research done by three colleges in America says
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Feb 15, 2014   #3
Include your prompt together with your essay. Then we know exactly what it expects from you. It's important for us to provide you with more meaningful feedbacks. :)

These days, one of the most important problems throughout the global is an environment-related problem the problem of environmental pollution, due to fossil fuels polluting air, water and for causing global warming.

This sentence has several issues - grammar, clarity, presentation.... the latter part is very confusing :(
Avoid writing lengthy sentences. You tend to get carried away at the end of it and make errors. I have provided you a structure to construct the introduction and hope you'd pay attention to that :)

If you post your prompt here, I would be able to make a sample introduction for this essay.
SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Feb 15, 2014   #4
These lead to many countries like America, trying to develop sustainable energy resources.

these refers to ?


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