Hi guys:: this is my writing for the topic : SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT PERSONAL HAPPINESS IS DIRECTLY RELATED TO ECONOMIC SUCCESS. OTHERS ARGUE THAT PERSONAL HAPPINESS DEPENDS ON COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FACTORS. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION...
People have different views about personal happiness. Self happiness may be a form of self respect, family relationship, and career stability or for some economic security. But, I personally believe that happiness differ from one person to other.
On the one hand, economic success it greatly influenced one's personal happiness. To reach the ladder of success, people intends to do what it takes to meet its own desire. Thus, fulfilling those desires, it makes their inner self happy and contented. For example, a single man, working in a company as ordinary staff for 20 years, and promoted for a higher position. This self fulfillment makes his self esteem high and mighty. For this reason, some people neglect other possible sources of self happiness and only focus their entire life grabbing economic success.
On the other hand, happiness is a vague emotional state, where in the source differ from individuals. For example, infants and babies main sources of happiness comes with their parents love, a group of teenager sources of happiness may be influenced by peer relationship, early and middle adult were focus on their career and searching for love and security, family orientation is first priority of adults, elderly focus on their past achievements and shortcomings. So, I believe that these factors are also accounted for self happiness.
In conclusion, it seems to me that personal happiness differ from every person, there are some who value their joy by securing economic success and material things. While others solely based on family matters, love and security. But, in the end of the line, happiness will always be happiness no matter what forms it comes.
Pros:
- your essay structure is good
- you have good ideas and opinion about the discussion
Cons:
- you have a lot of grammar issues,
from one person to an other
On the one hand
people intends to do what it takes
sources of happiness comes withfrom their parents
- you have been watching too many starwars films, try to make your sentence simple and active
economic success it greatly influenced one's personal happiness
An individual's happiness is greatly influenced by economic success.Thus, fulfilling those desires, it makes their inner self happy and contented
Thus, contentment and happiness within oneself is experienced on the fulfillment of those desires.hope this helps...
But, I personally believe that happiness differ from one person to the other.
On the one hand, economic success itis greatly influencedinfluences one's personal happiness.
On one hand, economic success can greatly influence one's personal happiness.peopleintends
... people is a plural word, so it should be;
people intend / man intends/ he intends/ they intend
You follow a good structure and have good points in your essay. Fine vocabulary too....Pay attention to grammar mistakes. Practice with time. Good luck!
Hello.gmad06 and Dumi,.
Thank you so much for your feedback.. Yeah, honestly it is my first time doing essay stuff, and i am glad to read your comment guys,,, goodbless and more power!..
Hope you continue to give feedback in my essay in the near future, :)
On the other hand, happiness is a vague emotional state, wherein the source differs from individuals.
On the other hand, happiness is an emotional state which differs from individual to individual.For example, infants and babies main sources of happiness comes with their parents love, a group of teenager sources of happiness may be influenced by peer relationship, early and middle adult were focus on their career and searching for love and security, family orientation is first priority of adults, elderly focus on their past achievements and shortcomings.
... Hey.... this sentence is way too long! Split it to a few and make your idea more clear to the reader.
In conclusion, it seems to me that personal happiness differs from every person
In conclusion, it seems to me that personal happiness differs from person to person.But, I personally believe that happiness differ from one person to others .
To reach the ladder of success, people intendstend to do
only focus on their entire life forgrabbingobtaining economic success.
For example, infants and babies (infant and babies: nearly the same meaning)
