While there are both benefits and drawbacks to amulticultural society, it is safe to say that the pros outweigh the cons
... why did you say "multicultural" society? What's the significance? You better tell the reader about that as it is otherwise not clear to them.
Anyway, it's a very good intro :)
For instance, long-time heavy phone users seem to be prone to certain types of eye disorders.
For instance, those who use phones too often and for longer periods can be prone to certain health issues.
You write extremely well :) Good grammar, vocabulary, presentation and of course essay structure :) Overall , very good job!