Hi folks,
I am now preparing for the IELTS exam. Please kindly need your input on my writing.
Cheers,
Andial
Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Other say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives.
Which view point do you agree with?
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It is generally understandable that advertisement has become integral part of modern society's life. The huge number of benefits which we already enjoyed seems like the clear proof of how important the advertisement is. While the proven one can be accepted, the opponents argue that it can persuade people to purchase unimportant goods. However, considering some crucial aspects, I particularly think that advertisement carries many more positive impacts rather than the negative aspects.
Today, there have been so many pros and cons developing in society regarding the impact of the advertising. In one side, some societies even agree to erase the advertising because it manipulates people in order to buy their product by using glamorous even successful people to be their icon. It aims to persuade people that buying a certain product will make them happier. They do not want to know whether the product will bring full of advantages or there is a side effect that makes the consumer unsatisfied. For example, branded cosmetic which is one of the most popular advertisement on television. Because the advertiser hire a beautiful model to be their icon, it automatically persuades many women to buy that product, knowing all women always want to be looked beautiful. In fact, not a few girls feel regret after trying such kind of branded cosmetic products. In addition, there are certain groups of people, who will buy products advertised by actors, even though the products are not of much use to them. For instance, my relative will buy all kinds of clothes and accessories as advertised by his favorite actor. These are the tactics and strategies adopted by advertising agencies to attract more customers.
In the other side, there are many people even are helped by the existing of the advertisement because they firmly believe that advertising informs us about the choice we have in order not to be wrong in choosing our needs. It is in step with a key part of modern business nowadays and also a form of modern art. Without advertisement we would have less choice. Moreover, the most important of all is because advertising company requires many inhabitants to be hired. It is clearly helpful to the government to eradicate the high number of unemployment. If we imagine that the government suddenly forbid the firm to advertise, it tremendously will fall the income of the company which will end up with the dismissal. It is clearly bad for our economy.
In a nutshell, even though some might believe that advertising tends to encourage people to purchase something that may not be too important for them, I am strongly convinced that there are many essential and crucial good points of advertising that we have to appreciate. In case of reducing bad impact, the government should actually be more active in regulating the advertiser company to do not give false information.
(1)
In your opening paragraph you said that "advertisement carries many more positive impacts rather than the negative aspects", but in your body paragraph, you put the same number of reasons which argue the both sides.
agree: [1] encourage people to buy not needed goods | [2]many people unsatisfied with the result of the product
disagree: [1] give us many choices of goods | [2] Income source
(2)
In your opening paragraph, you specify the bad impact of advertisement: "the opponents argue that it can persuade people to purchase unimportant goods ". However, in the body, you only explain a bit about that, then expand your reasons by putting "many people unsatisfied with the result of the product". Look at the band descriptor of IELTS Writing Task 2, column task response, band 4, second point, "presents a position but this is unclear". It seems you are there.
(3)
"In case of reducing bad impact, the government should actually be more active in regulating the advertiser company to do not give false information."
not to
It is generally understandable that advertisement has become integral part of modern society's life.
This is not an attractive hook :( You need to open your essay with an interesting sentence, which is ideally not very long but very catchy and relevant to the topic.
While the proven one can be accepted,
.... what do you mean by this?
However, considering some crucial aspects, I particularly think that advertisement carries many more positive impacts rather than the negative aspects.
However, I personally believe that advertisements have many positive impacts on society that outweigh their negative effects.