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'process of urbanization' - People living in big cities face many problems today



smilecttThreads: 4
Posts: 18
Author: Tingting Cao
   
Dec 27, 2011, 12:15am   #1
Appreciate all your help in advance. And wish you can give me a score according to IELTS standard.
Topic :
People living in big cities face many problems today. What are the problems? Should the government encourage people to live in regional towns?
standards: IELTS regular standards

The history of human civilization is entwined with the history of the ways we have learned to plan and supervise a city. Dating back to the very beginning, a market came into being as a result of barters. As time passed, the original tiny market grew larger, with more goods provided, attracting people to settle nearby. It was only owing to such principle, chasing for greater convenience and more commercial opportunities, can a market develop to be a village, a town, a city and even a metropolis.

The process of urbanization has indeed brought great benefits for us human beings. Yet there's a dark side to this picture: we are going too fast in some region. In other words, some big cities are now suffering from all sorts of problems resulted from over-urbanization. Before the government and urban planners could take measures, large amount of people have flooded into big cities, bringing about problems as below:

First of all, traffic. The daily increasing use of private cars has overtaken the capacity of present transportation system. Serious congestions, uprising incidence of road accidents have actually degraded our living quality in cities. The second problem must be real estate price. The supply doesn't meet the demand, price rises: basic economic principle. The house price in big cities has become rather prohibitive, far beyond the level a normal citizen could afford, which has lead to poor residence condition: people share a house or a room. And that will inevitably increase the conflicts among the whole society. The third should be the environment. Large populations are sharing limited natural resources and man-made facilities in big cities. There could only be one consequence: deteriorating environment � poorer air condition, water and electricity shortage, hot-island effect, which have all been seen in China's big cities.

In fact, all of those existing problems have contradicted our original motives of dwelling in cities. Thus what should we do to rescue our cities? Government plays a vital role in the process. Fundamentally through cooperation with urban and regional planners, government should make a long-term plan of a city's design and construction, including its size, structure, transport layout, infrastructure system, etc. Moreover, government is also supposed to pass appropriate laws and policies to ensure the population growth would keep the same pace with the expansion of the city, for example, encouraging people to settle in sub-cities.



phuongthao15389Threads: 4
Posts: 29
Author: Thao Nguyen
   
Dec 27, 2011, 08:30am   #2
The history of human civilization is entwined with the history of the ways we have learned to plan and supervise a city. Dating back to the very beginning, a market came into being as a result of barters. As time passed, the original tiny market grew larger, with more goods provided, attracting people to settle nearby. It was only owing to such principle, chasing for greater convenience and more commercial opportunities, can a market develop to be a village, a town, a city and even a metropolis.

The process of urbanization has indeed brought great benefits for us human beings. Yet there's There is a dark side to this picture: we are going too fast in some region. In other words, some big cities are now suffering from all sorts of problems resulted from over-urbanization. Before the government and urban planners could take measures, large amount of people have flooded into big cities, bringing about problems as below:
=> two long introduction with many unnecessary details. A short introduction with three to four sentences would be better, so you have more time to pay attention to the most important part - body paragraphs. also, the too long introduction makes your essay unbalanced.

First of all, traffic (full sentence). The daily increasing use of private cars has overtaken the capacity of present transportation system. Serious congestions, uprising incidence of road accidents have actually degraded our living quality in cities. The second problem must be real estate price. The supply doesn't does not meet the demand, price rises: basic economic principle. The house price in big cities has become rather prohibitive, far beyond the level a normal citizen could afford, which has lead to poor residence condition: people share a house or a room. And that will inevitably increase the conflicts among the whole society. The third should be the environment. Large populations are sharing limited natural resources and man-made facilities in big cities. There could only be one consequence: deteriorating environment poorer air condition, water and electricity shortage, hot-island effect, which have all been seen in China's big cities.

=> I think you have three supporting ideas here. Traffic congestion, high cost of living and environment. You should write three paragraphs with about 4 -5 sentences per each paragraph. below is my example. It is not really good, but I think it is clear.

Firstly, traffic congestion is one of the most critical issues. The main reason for this is urban residents prefer using ther own cars or motobike to using public transports such as buses. Nowadays, Traffic problem leads to huge ecomomic and social loss because of its delays and road accidents. Futhermore, waiting in long line in rush hours can make people feel stressfull. All of these adverse effects are degraded the standards of living in cities.


Another problem is high cost of living ranging from necesities, for example food or Television to real estate. In particular, the house supply does not meet the demand of increasing number of inhabitants. In addition, house prices are too high that middle-class and poor people couldnot afford. This will lead to the larger scale in society that can result in bitter conflicts.

Enviromental pollution, finally, should be mentioned. Not only air is polluted by the large amount of car emission or toxic fumes from factories surrounding cities, water is in danger of being contaiminated by industrial waste and vast household waste. It affects seriously on citizens' health, especially chidren who have immature bodily process to prevent harm from pollution. It is clear that the number of patients of diseases relating to breathing or skin are increasing. in future, this issue will cost much for improving enviroment and solving its consequences.


In fact, all of those existing problems have contradicted our original motives of dwelling in cities. Thus what should we do to rescue our cities? Government plays a vital role in the process. Fundamentally through cooperation with urban and regional planners, government should make a long-term plan of a city's design and construction, including its size, structure, transport layout, infrastructure system, etc. Moreover, government is also supposed to pass appropriate laws and policies to ensure the population growth would keep the same pace with the expansion of the city, for example, encouraging people to settle in sub-cities.



I am not sure members give you a score. I think you should follow the writing criteria to assess yourself. In some website, some native teacher say that they appreciate coherence, cohession, not serious grammar mistakes; clear struture and task achievement. simple but clear and correct grammar would be better. wide range of vocabulary is good. However, it should be use correctly and they prefer collocation than heavy words. Some academic words in right place would makes score of essays higher.


EF_SusanThreads: -
Posts: 3,434
Author: Susan O'Neill, EssayForum.com
[Moderator] Likes 4  
Dec 27, 2011, 08:31am   #3
It was only owing to such principles, chasing for greater convenience and more commercial opportunities, that a market could develop to be a village, a town, a city and even a metropolis.

Yet there's a dark side to this picture: we are going too fast in some regions.

In other words, some big cities are now suffering from all sorts of problems resulting from over-urbanization.

Before the government and urban planners could take measures, large numbers of people have flooded into big cities, bringing about problems as below:

The daily increasing use of private cars has overtaken the capacity of present transportation systems.

Serious congestions, uprising incidences of road accidents have actually degraded our living quality in cities.

In fact, all of those existing problems have contradicted our original motives for dwelling in cities.

Thus, what should we do to rescue our cities?

The government plays a vital role in the process.

Fundamentally, through cooperation with urban and regional planners, the government should make a long-term plan for a city's design and construction, including its size, structure, transport layout, infrastructure system, etc.

:)




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