THE PROCESS OF FORGIVENESS, BLAME, AND SELF-ACCEPTANCE

Topic: 2. Discuss an important way in which you have let yourself down. Perhaps you have strayed from your formerly sweet, sincere self and become a bit of a hard-nosed, me-first, competitive type, or have let your morals and values slip a notch or two. Or perhaps you have let someone else down, and though this didn't lead to an argument per se, it has left you feeling that you're not quite the spectacular human being you once thought you were. Write an essay in which you detail the circumstances of your disappointment in yourself, and instruct yourself about getting back on the path to becoming the wonderful, caring, and sensitive person you truly are.

Essay (first draft): Any feedback on grammar or suggestions on things i can put in will be greatly appreciated.

I always considered myself a kind-hearted person. I look out for my friends, and am always there when people need to talk. When I was thirteen I started smoking Marijuana, or as it's more popular name, Weed. I was in Eighth grade living in Port Washington, and none of my friends at school smoked. I used to split my weekend between two groups of friends. I would hang out with my friends from school Friday night and my other friends from Great Neck on Saturday, or vice versa. My friends from Great Neck were freshman in High School. One of them was my best friend. I've known him all my life, and he always made a point to introduce me to his friends as much as possible, so that I would feel comfortable when we all hung out. Once Weed was introduced to him it wasn't long until it became a friend of mine as well. I'll tell you right now, peer pressure is bullshit. No one can pressure you into doing something you don't want to do, if they use force that's something completely different. That wasn't the case for me though. No one ever tried to pressure me into smoking, but it seemed like they were having fun, so why shouldn't I. It wasn't long till it became a regular habit for me and I was smoking every weekend. I never smoked during the school week. I was always scared I'd get caught. I know only on the weekends doesn't sound like a lot these days considering people smoke multiple times everyday, but I assure you, it was enough to change my entire personality.

I thought I was cool. I was the only one I knew from my school who smoked. I got a year head start from everyone else. For a while I stopped hanging out with my friends from school on the weekend. I started going to Great Neck every Friday and Saturday. Parties with drinking and smoking became an every weekend activity for me. I saw myself moving farther away from my friends at school. I was in a downward spiral and couldn't find the brakes. I smoked for about two and a half years, although I don't regret the experiences I had with my friends, I wish I had done them at a more mature age. I stopped caring about school. I wasn't studying, I wasn't doing homework, and cutting class was a regular activity.

Fighting with my parents happened often. I remember my parents suspecting that I was doing drugs, but when they would ask me, I would of course deny deny deny. The innocent, kind-hearted person that I used to be was gone. In Anne Lomott's essay, "My son, the stranger", she says, "What has happened? Who is this person?...computers and our animals" (screen 2). I can relate to that. In the height of my drug use all I cared about was me. I didn't care what my friends from school thought, and I had no interest in what my parents had to say in the matter. When my parents finally confronted me about it, I was on my way out to see my friends. I remember my dad sitting in front of the door, not letting me leave, until I told them the truth. My parents and I argued for awhile until I gave up and told them everything. We sat in the living room for a while talking about the bad choices I've made and it really put my situation into perspective for me. I could continue to smoke and fall further down the rabbit whole, or I could quit and hope to gather whatever was left of my innocence.

I haven't smoked Marijuana in about six years and to tell you the truth, I don't miss it. I've replaced it with music, movies, and friends. In "My son, the stranger", Lamott says, "Everything in the room stirred, dust and light, dander and fluff, and the movement of air, my life still in daily circulation with this guy I have been resting with for so many years" (screen 5). I don't hold anything against my friend for introducing Marijuana to me. I am still best friend with him to this day. We look back at those times with a sense of relief. I think both of us have learned from our experiences and have grown to be better people because of them.

Your first sentence does not really link to your central theme or the second sentence.

What are you trying to say here? That it wasn't because of peer pressure that you smoked? "No one can pressure you into doing something you don't want to do, if they use force that's something completely different. That wasn't the case for me though. "

If not and other than for "fun," you don't mention what made you smoke and why you liked it: "No one ever tried to pressure me into smoking, but it seemed like they were having fun, so why shouldn't I. "

I think you can tighten up your writing by eliminating the casual reference to the reader (in red). I was also confused by references to your Great Neck friends vs. school friends as some (eg. your best friend) are also in your school (bolded).

When I was thirteen I started smoking Marijuana, or as it's more popular name, Weed. I was in Eighth grade living in Port Washington, and none of my friends at school smoked. I used to split my weekend between two groups of friends. I would hang out with my friendsone from school (MY GRADE?) Friday night and my another friends from Great Neck on Saturday, or vice versa. My friends from Great Neck WHO were freshman in High School. One of them was my best friend. I've known him all my life, and he always made a point to introduce me to his friends as much as possible, so that I would feel TO MAKE ME comfortable when we all hung out. Once Weed was introduced to him it wasn't long until it became a friend of mine as well. I'll tell you right now, peer pressure is bullshit. No one can pressure you into doing something you don't want to do, if they use force that's something completely different. That wasn't the case for me though. No one ever tried to pressure me into smoking, but it seemed like they were having fun, so why shouldn't I. It wasn't long till it became a regular habit for me and I was smoking every weekend. I never smoked during the school week. I was always scared I'd get caught. I know only on the weekends doesn't sound like a lot these days considering people smoke multiple times everyday, but I assure you, it was enough to change my entire personality.

It would strengthen the essay greatly if you could add an extra sentence at the end of the third paragraph about what made you stop. Was it something your Dad said? Something seemed to click in your mind when you "told them everything."


Not sure this is the reason you quit... It also appears from your last sentences, that your best friend also quit. Did that influence you?

Hi
Overall great essay. But I'm sure that your readers will be much happier if you stop using profanity.
I was very confused while reading about your friends, in the same way that that linmark explained.
Also, I thought using a quote from "My son, the stranger" added taste to the essay and offered a deeper dimension to your readers.

I know it's a first draft, so excellent is how I'd describe it. Kudos to you!