Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4


pleasure and satisfaction: the pursuit of our desires or the attainment of them?


Lauratwilight 6 / 10 1  
Jun 22, 2010   #1
What gives us more pleasure and satisfaction: the pursuit of our desires or the attainment of them?
During one's lifetime, your desires always give you motivation to do better. The pursuit of your desires can never be smooth; however, when you finally attain them after weathering the storm, you will find that your process of pursuing them makes you even happier than the attainment of them.

A principle figure in music factory concerns Djingo, a guitar player. Djingo started playing the guitar at thirteen years of age, and showed a great talent. By the age of eighteen, he had already gained enough practical skills and was regarded as a professional. He has a dream that he will be a renowned guitar player some day. However, he was no more than a professional until he was 20 when an event suddenly occurred that forever changed his life style and sealed his fate.

One day, holding a birthday cake, Djingo together with his family was celebrating a birthday party. Unexpectedly, the wick that fell out of the candle ignited the highly flammable plastic furrows at home; In just a minute, the whole house was on fire. Fortunately, Djingo wasn't burnt to death, but one of his legs was amputated and his left hand was severely crippled with three of his five fingers no longer in function. With such a heavy loss, Djingo didn't give up. Though for a guitar player hands are the most important things, he still strived to accomplish his musical dream. After recovery, he was still involved in practice, and even harder. He found a new method of playing the guitar with only two fingers. Eventually, Djingo succeeded. He was famous not only for his distinguished guitar playing skill, but also for his perseverance. He was treated as a jazz pioneer. In his pursuing for his desire, Djingo devoted much more than you can imagine. Now, for him, no matter whether he was considered as a noted guitar player or not; his pursuit of his desire is most important to him, because it is his desire that gives him strength for life. Recalling his experience of attaining his dream, Djingo feels it gives him much more satisfaction and pleasure because it is the cultivation of tears, sweats and blood.

Life is like a rolling mountain; we step forward to pursue our desires on the other side of the mountain. During the process, we will encounter rifts, thorns and those lurking dangers; however, when we finally land on the other side of the mountain and accomplish our pursuit, the joyfulness of success will be more memorable than simply the attainment of them.
ngamit - / 1  
Jun 22, 2010   #2
I don't have much to comment, except for your first sentence. It struck me with an unmistakable error: During one's lifetime, your desires always give you motivation to do better. (pronounces in a sentence are supposed to agree with each other, right?). So it should be: During lifetime, your desires always motivate you to do better.

Just my two cents.
imshtark 1 / 9  
Jun 22, 2010   #3
It should say: "In life, your desires always give you motivation to do better."
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Jun 23, 2010   #4
You can't go from third person, (one's lifetime) to second person, (your desires) in the same sentence. Actually, it sounds better to me without the "during", or 'throughout' anything, because OF COURSE it's during our lifetime that anything happens to us! (just my opinion) ;^)

During one's lifetime, your desires always give you motivation to do better. The pursuit of your desires won't always be easy ; however, when you finally attain them after weathering any storm, you will find that your process of pursuing them made you even happier than their attainment. of them.

A principle figure in the music industry concerns Djingo, a guitar player.

By the age of eighteen, he had already gained enough practical skills to be regarded as a professional.

...when we finally land on the other side of the mountain and accomplish our goals , the joy of success will be more memorable than simply the attainment of it.

Nice essay! Good luck in school!

:)


Home / Writing Feedback / pleasure and satisfaction: the pursuit of our desires or the attainment of them?
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳