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'Plan is required' - Students are encouraged to work or travel before university



salmavThreads: 9
Posts: 43
Author: alice
 Likes 4  
Jan 18, 2013, 08:43pm   #1
In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Presently, many young people choose to work or travel around for a year after high school, then come back to university studies. This inclination has been approved by some adults, while others could not accept this fact. From my perspective, every coin has its two sides, benefits and hindrances, so does this issue.
Starting with its advantages, the young would learn a lot of things if they drop one year to work or travel. They will have chances to meet people, practice things. Also, they inevitably make mistakes and after, infer lessons for themselves. Through time, those would becoming their proficiency and experiences, which can be useful for them one day, maybe, in their careers. Moreover, working will bring wages to them. It will help them not only can understand more the value of money, but also know how laborious their parents have been to earn livings to foster them.
Regarding to the interferences, if people don't use that one year in an appropriate way, it will turn out to wasting their time. In fact, one year is not so long, but it is not that short to one's lifespan. Several cases, after exploring world, they do not want to get back to study, inasmuch as they find it boring and unnecessary. Studying is not the only way to be successful in life, though it does play an important role in attaining targets more quickly. In addition, people usually say "idle hands are devil's tools". If they don't spend time on doing something useful, then someday they will be obviously involved in deplorable things.
In a nutshell, this matter considered bad or good depends on us. My two cents worth is that people should make plan in order to use it effectively, instead of regretting later.



mcuong01Threads: 12
Posts: 44
Author: cuong trinh
 Likes 3  
Jan 18, 2013, 09:04pm   #2
salmav
These days, many young people choose to work or travel around for a year after high school before coming back to university studies.

This inclination has been approved by some adults, while others could not accept this fact. (not smooth)
=> Some parents support this inclination while others do not.

Tips: to avoid too many short sentences, you can combine them as follows:
These days, some parents encourage their children to spend a year after school working or traveling before coming back to university while others disagree with this inclination.


dumiThreads: 1
Posts: 7,228
Author: Duminda
[Moderator] Likes 1399  
Jan 18, 2013, 09:24pm   #3
salmav:
Presently, many young people choose to work or travel around for a year after high school, then come back to university studies.
..........."return" would sound better in place of "come back"
salmav:
while others could not accept this fact.
................... "fail to" instead of "could not"
salmav:
From my perspective, every coin has its two sides, benefits and hindrances, so does this issue.
............ Awesome; very good, I love this type of sentences rather than writing stereotype sentences " In this essay I am going to analyse ......" :D
Also, I wish you had the key work "drawbacks" ..................... You can have more rhyming key words like - merits and demerits/ advantages & disadvantages/ pros and cons/ positives and negatives/ pluses & minus etc. etc. :D ................ It's nice to have rhyming words :)
salmav:
They will have chances to meet people, practice things.
............. explore new things.

I like your writing style. You write very well too.............. :)


JESGENThreads: -
Posts: 1
Author: JUSTIN
   
Jan 18, 2013, 09:40pm   #4
MY NAME IS JESTINE I AM GOING TO WRITE IELTS. NOW I JUST ATTACHED AN ESSAY WITH THIS. PLEASE CHECK IT AND GIVE CORRECTION


dumiThreads: 1
Posts: 7,228
Author: Duminda
[Moderator] Likes 1399  
Jan 19, 2013, 12:11am   #5
JESGEN:
MY NAME IS JESTINE I AM GOING TO WRITE IELTS. NOW I JUST ATTACHED AN ESSAY WITH THIS. PLEASE CHECK IT AND GIVE CORRECTION

Hi Jestine,
You need to create your own thread under your own title. You can't use other's threads for your essays. I couldn't find any thread under your user name.
This is how you create your thread;
Go to the "New Thread" feature on the top of this screen on to your right. Click it and there select the right forum (for this type of essays, it is the "writing feedback" . Then type your topic title in the "subject" bar. Then type your essay in the space for "message". Once you are done, click on "start new thread". Then it would appear as a fresh thread and we are ready to give you comments :D


mcuong01Threads: 12
Posts: 44
Author: cuong trinh
 Likes 3  
Jan 19, 2013, 01:07am   #6
I quote a passage from a book for your reference. Although it is more like a talk, but it is really useful for your writing.

I am really in two minds about what to do when I leave school. Should I go straight to university or should I spend a year traveling around the world? First of all, there are so many benefits of going straight to university. The most important point is that the sooner I get my qualifications, the quicker I will get a job and start earning. In my opinion, starting work and making money is one of the most important things in life. And I am not alone in this opinion. Many consider a sound career and a good salary to be an important goal. Secondly, if I go straight to university, I will learn so many things that will help me in my future life. It is often said that knowledge is the key to power, and I cannot disagree with this. Moreover, I will be able to take part in the social activities that the university offers, and meet lots of new friends who share the same interests. However, it could be argued that I would also meet lots of interesting people while I was traveling. Furthermore, if I spend a year traveling, I would learn more about the world. On the one hand, I would experience lots of different cultures. On the other hand, I could end up suffering from culture shock, homesickness and some strange tropical diseases. Nevertheless, these inconveniences would be an inevitable part of traveling and would be greatly outweighed by the other advantages. Unfortunately, another point is that if I spend a year traveling I would need a lot of money. But I believe that it would be easy to make a bit while I was traveling, giving English lessons or working in hotels and shops.


salmavThreads: 9
Posts: 43
Author: alice
 Likes 4  
Jan 19, 2013, 07:15am   #7
dumi:
I like your writing style. You write very well too.............. :)

Thank you dumi, I have been trying so hard recently. Really happy to hear you said so :XX. Your words will be a motivation for me to keep practicing more :X
Mcuong01
mcuong01:
I am really in two minds about what to do when I leave school. Should I go straight to university or should I spend a year traveling around the world? First of all, there are so many benefits of going straight to university. The most important point is that the sooner I get my qualifications, the quicker I will get a job and start earning. In my opinion, starting work and making money is one of the most important things in life. And I am not alone in this opinion. Many consider a sound career and a good salary to be an important goal. Secondly, if I go straight to university, I will learn so many things that will help me in my future life. It is often said that knowledge is the key to power, and I cannot disagree with this. Moreover, I will be able to take part in the social activities that the university offers, and meet lots of new friends who share the same interests. However, it could be argued that I would also meet lots of interesting people while I was traveling. Furthermore, if I spend a year traveling, I would learn more about the world. On the one hand, I would experience lots of different cultures. On the other hand, I could end up suffering from culture shock, homesickness and some strange tropical diseases. Nevertheless, these inconveniences would be an inevitable part of traveling and would be greatly outweighed by the other advantages. Unfortunately, another point is that if I spend a year traveling I would need a lot of money. But I believe that it would be easy to make a bit while I was traveling, giving English lessons or working in hotels and shops

Thanks for your post. It does help me a lots to improve mine. :X


dumiThreads: 1
Posts: 7,228
Author: Duminda
[Moderator] Likes 1399  
Jan 19, 2013, 10:01am   #8
salmav:
Thank you dumi, I have been trying so hard recently. Really happy to hear you said so :XX. Your words will be a motivation for me to keep practicing more :X

Yes........ you can easily aim for a real good score : ) Follow the expected essay structure and practice with time. Post your essays here for us to give you comments to further improve. :)
Also reading others essays written on similar topics would help you pick points and some good key words. Also don't forget to help others too.
:)


joythblessyThreads: 87
Posts: 429
Author: Tessy Joseph
 Likes 15  
Jan 20, 2013, 09:09am   #9
Hai....

It will help them not only can......===>it not only help them to understand the value of money but also know....

Several causes===> in several causes after exploring to the world young people do not return to their studies, because they may consider study as bor......

You have good points..
Keep on writing..
Tessy




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