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Person should never make an important decision alone; 'faculty choosing'


Salikron 5 / 21 1  
Nov 30, 2012   #1
Hi, everyone ^^ I spent time with this essay 14 hours. haha In fact, because my computer were errored many times, I must repeatly write again again and again. I finally had finished to write.>//< Could someone help me to make it better,need some feedback about my essay too.i really appreciated .^_^

QUESTION; Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A person should never make an important decision alone. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

When I was hight school, there was some people said me that " we should make an important decision alone because no one know our desire as well as ourselves"

But, when I grew up I found It is not ture!! A person is not always necessery make an important decision alone, consulting others may be the best way of making decision. Because I think that everything can be looked in various aspects, and learn something new because it is possible to see the situation more clearly because of the objective opinions of others. So, I agree with this statement that a person should never make an important decision alone.Threre are at least three reason why I agree with this statement by following below:

To begin with, a person should consult other when making an important decision to avoid possibly mistakes. For example, last 2 years ago, I hesitated to choose my faculty that I should study. In my head wanted to study a doctor, but in my heart wanted to study a law. I was confused and realized that I could not made a wrong decision due to affect all of my future. So, I decided to ask the comment of my families, my teachers, and my sister's friends who experience likes me. They gave me a good advice which were very useful for me of making an important decision. I finally decided to study a law which is what I love, and right now I am sure that I had made a right decision that consulted others, because I am happy with it . If that time, I choosed it myself without consulting others, I might choose to study a doctor who was not happy, and repent later for making a wrong mistakes.

In addition, making an important decision is necessery for teenagers are too young. Because they don't experience a lot of their lives. So, it is very important not to make a significant judgment alone, but all teens should ask the older people for a good advice. For example, one of my brother's friends who teenager. He alone took a decison of going through his peers and perssure and ended up drinking and doing drug with his friends. This happens as result of feeling tension and anxiety his a wrong decision. Causing from he did not know how to deny his friends and what is the wrong and right. If he consults older people for advice. They may have got the good feedback for them. This will help to relieve pressure, tension and anxiety.

Moreover, I think that making an important decision alone is unacceptable for some job, especially for company or business. For example, in the business, if owner want to increase budget to develop a company, but he decides to do so by himself without consulting with accountances who are good at calculating budget, the business may be turn down. So, the owner has to waste a lot of money because he makes an importance decision alone.

In conclusion, I agree that a person should never make an important decision alone and the best way for making a decision is consulting with other person.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Nov 30, 2012   #2
I spent time with this essay 14 hours

:D .... I guess you are preparing for IELTS or TOEFL... Time is a very important factor in those exams... So you better improve your practice sessions :D

" we should make an important decision alone because no one knows our desires as wellgood as ourselves"

one knows / they know : )

A person is not always necessery make an important decision alone, consulting others may be the best way of making decision.

This has some grammar issues;
A person is making / A person makes
My suggestion;
A person should not make important decisions alone and he should consult others to make such decisions in the best way.
OP Salikron 5 / 21 1  
Nov 30, 2012   #3
Thanks you sooooooo much Dumi for your revising. ^^
Yep, I'm preparing for IELTS. So,I have some a question.
What do you think about my essay?
Is it too easy? Should I use a difficult words or complex sentense?
Thank you again for a good advice you. ^_^
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Nov 30, 2012   #4
Hi,

What do you think about my essay?

Well... good to know that you are practicing for IELTS. In that case you better pay attention to the essay structure more. It's always recommended to follow the 4 para structure. The best way to get a better of this structure its to read what others have posted to this forum. I'm giving you a few links below that I think are the ones worth reading. Reading others essays also help you get familiar with essay points and new vocabulary.

In addition, pay more attention to grammar!
Do more and more essays and post them here.... We will help you with them to go for a good score : )
OP Salikron 5 / 21 1  
Dec 1, 2012   #5
Thank you again dumi. ^^
I'm so appricate for your helping.
I will follow your suggest. ^_^
joythblessy 86 / 272 15  
Dec 2, 2012   #6
hai...

I am totally agreeing with dumi..

Time management is essential..
I feel...
It is a lo...ng essay..
Cut down your intro..
Address the question, give your opinion..
essay is in desited structure..good
Try short examples to reduce the essay length..
Conclusion ...
Put little more words..

Try to write against time..

Tessy
snaacks 2 / 2  
Dec 2, 2012   #7
This is a very good prompt, so I would say just take your time answering and revising. Make sure you know exactly what you are trying to say, and focus more on correcting your grammar.

*When i was in high school, someone said to me
OP Salikron 5 / 21 1  
Dec 2, 2012   #8
Thank you so much joythblessy and snaacks. ^_^
Your suggest are so useful for me.
I will try to write better next time. thank you again ^_^


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