Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 7


Parents should allow their children to select their own profession


Aisha Baloch 1 / 3  
Apr 19, 2014   #1
If we talk about the recent era, Parents just want their children to be a doctor or engineer. They force them to go in the field which they want and don't care about what their children want and what are their interests. It's just like a new trend that my friend's daughter is a doctor and getting very handsome amount of salary so they start degrading their daughter that why don't you become a doctor rather than being a teacher.

Parents should keep this thing in their minds that what are the interest of their children and what they want to be in future. What are their desires.If they force them to be what they want then maybe they start getting against of their parents.
niesaysi 16 / 290 85  
Apr 20, 2014   #2
You still need to tremendously improve what you have posted above. I have a strong feeling you can do that. Also,just a sort of important reminder, always include the subject/prompt you are going to discuss.

If we talk about the recent era, Parents just want their children to be a doctor or engineer. They force them to go in the field which they want and don't care about what their children want and what are their interests. It's just like a new trend that my friend's daughter is a doctor and getting very handsome amount of salary so they start degrading their daughter that why don't you become a doctor rather than being a teacher.
Parents should keep this thing in their minds that what are the interest of their children and what they want to be in future. What are their desires.If they force them to be what they want then maybe they start getting against of their parents.

This does not follow the real structure of an essay. What you did is just you have merely presented your ideas without considering certain principles important to make your entire composition more coherent.
OP Aisha Baloch 1 / 3  
Apr 21, 2014   #3
Thank you. I will try my best.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Apr 22, 2014   #4
What is the purpose of this writing? Is it for practicing for IELTS or TOEFL? Also, what is the prompt or the question? You need to provide those details for us to understand the purpose of your writing to make more meaningful comments.

If this is written for an introduction, I think you have to improve your approach.
Abdurasul 32 / 86 4  
Apr 22, 2014   #5
don't

- do not

It's

- it is
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Apr 22, 2014   #6
Well, it is very difficult to understand whether this is a full essay or a part of it. By the way, this is the structure our dumi often suggests for IELTS and TOEFL tasks and I think it can be applied to any ordinary essay.
Arun0506 27 / 120 34  
Apr 22, 2014   #7
Dear Aisha,
kindly let us know the purpose of your wirting, whether are you preparing for IELTS or any other exam. So that senior people in our forum can help us in a better way to improve our writing. Thank you.

... Arun


Home / Writing Feedback / Parents should allow their children to select their own profession
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳