Who is the best teacher? This question is difficult to answer for me. It is like "Which one do you love your parents?" . But there is an answer after i think accurately. However there are a lot of good teachers, I wanna write the best teachers.
First one is my parents.If we imagine that life is a building ,my parents helped to make foundation . My parents taught elementally things such as how to speak,walk,live and communicate each other.My parents are always with me when I give up something ,have a problem, and be happy .Therefore; my parents here, I have successful in my life. So my parents are good teachers.
Another one is an experience. After we made foundation , we need to construct a building by using experience from obtaining life. This is the tremendous concept that includes the parents . Everyone knows that Thomas Edison invented the lamp.So do you know his parents?Maybe his parents were good people.But he didn't find his fame from only his parents advise ,behavior , or knowledge. He could find out by making lot of experiments,persistence,knowledge and intelligence.
However it is very important to make foundation , the process of a building is the the most important thing. Similar to I think, the experience is the best teacher however the parents are good teachers.
Im not an expert, but in my opinion this essay is way too colloquial. Im also missing the structure you need to get a good score. I neither would use that much rethorical questions.
Intro (look at Paran or dumis help)
Reason 1: Statement + Explanation + Example
Reason 2: Statement + Explanation + Example
(Reasons 3: Statement + Explanation + Example)
Conclusion: Brief concluding statement.